Danmanz Funny Status Messages

   Ladies are forever saying "all men are dogs", but what they fail to realize is that dogs are loyal as fu¢k if you treat them right.

   I look at my milk carton in the fridge and it read "Feb 14". Even my milk has a Valentine's date and I don't.

   You never see a church with free WiFi. I guess because no church wants to compete with an invisible power that actually works..

   Real women don't label themselves as 'Dimes', 'Barbies', or 'Bad Bitćhes' because real men don't carry loose change, play with toy dolls, or wife dogs.

   Be careful of those who pat you on the back. They might be looking for a soft spot to plant the knife.

   I bet you'll never see a fight break out in marijuana clubs.........

   I spilled ice out of my cup while I was outside and all of a sudden, my state has shutdown.

   For once in my life, I like to push a cart in Walmart, let it go and roll for at least two feet straight WITHOUT fu¢king turning left on its own.

   Don't tell me what they said about me, tell me why they're comfortable telling you.

   Ants kill around 30 people a year......Marijuana is safer than ants.

   Dear Kanye West,--- Take the diaper off your daughter and put it around your face. A lot of crap has been coming from it lately

   You want to put friendship to the test? Put both your spouse and your dog in the trunk of the car for an hour. Open up the trunk to see who's really happy to see you.

   A Bieber should've been in that car instead of a Walker.

   [You're choking]:---- I have two choices: Do I perform the Hiemlich Manuever or should I just stand there and pray for you?.........Science: 1 , Religion: -10

   If this God wanted to impress me with his miracles, he would've impregnanted Joseph and not a poor, unwed teenage girl. That sh|t happens everyday.

   Oh...Jehovah Witnesses don't celebrate Halloween they say. I guess they don't appreciate random stangers coming to their front door.

   A JOB you say? You mean when the person @ the top (CEO) makes the most money, then the vice-president below, then middle management, then store managers/supervisors, then the hard-working employees at the bottom. Hmmm looks like a pyramid scheme to me.

   Seems like everything is going according to plan as usual. The media is distracting the public masses with Miley Cyrus, not seeing that the U.S. is gearing up for another useless war with Syria....'They' got you by the balls.

   So you go to college to get a job so you can have a job to pay for college. Then you spend all your time at work and end up with no time to live the life you're working for....Ok...interesting plan.

   I wonder if clouds look down on us and say "Hey look! That one looks like an idiot."