Baddie Funny Status Messages

   You have to wait 30 days to buy a gun but Amazon Prime only takes 2 days to ship live bees, no questions asked.

   Live such that when the mortician prepares you for your funeral, he must struggle to get that grin off your face.

   A stranger at Walmart just coughed in my face, so I've probably only got two, maybe three, days to live.

   almost annoyed by the fact that Pablo Escobar spent most of his life tucking in his shirt but he’s only remembered for selling drugs.

   The microwave sent those nudes, not me.

   Given the exploding population of idiots in our communities, I think it’s about time we required people to pass a test first before they are allowed to vote. We can’t afford to put our destiny in the hands of clueless idiots.

   Christmas; Another day of choreographed kindness and fake concern.

   I like this mannequin challenge. It gets idiots to shut the hell up for a minute.

   How much of your pants are you allowed to fold up before you're mistaken for a fisherman?

   Instead of voter fraud, why don't they just call it Electile Dysfunction?

   Heard those ruthless and heartless thieves forced Kim K to put her clothes on first before robbing her.

   I hope tonight's the night when we'll finally see a presidential candidate make the jerk-off motion while the other candidate is speaking.

   It's horrifying to think that Brock Turner was tried, convicted, and served his sentence in before a Taylor Swift relationship ended.

   Girl on the bus keeps looking at my crocs. This is how sex starts. Watch and learn virgins.

   Taylor Swift on an episode of Scooby Doo: “And I would’ve gotten away with it too if it weren’t for you meddling Kardashians!"

   How many points do I get if I hit a Pokemon Go player with my car?

   I'd love to watch Samuel L Jackson and Morgan Freeman get into a heated argument while James Earl Jones tries to stop them.

   some dude playing Pokémon go came inside my house to catch a Pokémon and stole my TV

   I thought there'd be more sex during my sexual prime.

   If you judge me by my before coffee state of mind, we can't be friends