SEAN Funny Status Messages

   out-smarted a cat and several ants and it's only half past two

   Based on a true story

   Wondering what's on facebook's mind

   off to (insert supermarket) to throw the biggest temper tantrum

   Who needs a toaster when you have an iron?

   A dream... but he's gonna stay smart and not make a big deal out of it

   just swallowed a rabbit and now wishes he read the instructions for his new 'magic for beginners' set

   Don't buy condoms at BP gas stations, they may burst and result in a leak...

   "Don't buy condoms at BP gas stations. They may burst and result in a leak..."

   my 2nd wind seems to be fanning the fire of the candle I am burning at both ends

   Dear washing machine, I am all for fighting breast cancer, in-fact I have offered to be a buddy for the buddy check, but turning my socks pink… Come on!

   Words to live by: If your outflow is greater than your income, then your up-keeps guna be your downfall

   Dear makers of Cialis, when I reach middle age and find myslef needing your product, contrary to the advice you offer about calling a doctor if you have an erection lasting longer than 4 hours, I can assure you that I will be calling a film crew instead

   I often view the Thanksgiving table as a roulette table, something about potato salad and macaroni salad made by people that don't like me makes me think I would be safer in Vegas betting the house and car

   Reasons why Alcohol should be served at work...its an incentive to show up

   Earlier today I got a call from a charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world.I told them to kiss my a$$. Anybody who fits into my clothes isn't starving..lol

   Some relatives are like seeing Santa; you only care to see them once a year.

   Some women should just come with talk plans like my cell phone, because after to much conversation my MIND starts roaming!

   Dear Hillbilly from AR on the news last night, I am sure that all the dead birds in your town were not from Aliens invading earth, I'm positive that if invaders have the technology to come to Earth and wanted to scare you, throwing birds at you would no

   My New Years Resolution is to have as much fun as I can regret