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When I have a tough decision, I ask myself... "What would Jesus do?" Then, I remember how things turned out for him... And, flip a coin.
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06-20-2014 00:31 by
Psycho
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My gf always takes a "long bath" after a Ryan Gosling movie. I don't get it, but it does give me plenty of time to beat off to Ryan Gosling.
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07-04-2014 13:23 by
Psycho
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As a kid you could get excited by small stuff: findin a body, pokin it with a stick. Now you gotta poke 10 bodies with 12 sticks just to feel anythin.
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09-30-2014 13:15 by
Psycho
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What's the normal amount of hair to mail someone? I feel like this is a lot of hair I'm mailing to someone
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09-30-2014 13:17 by
Psycho
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We can put a man on the moon but we can't put a cat in the dishwasher
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09-30-2014 13:28 by
Psycho
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My friends say the craziest things like "hello police" and "he's in our house again."
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10-10-2014 02:31 by
Psycho
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Knock on your neighbors door and ask if they've seen your cat. When they say no pull your cat out of your pocket and make the introductions
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10-22-2014 12:15 by
Psycho
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Everyone’s beautiful on the inside. Some people just need a few good stab holes to let that beauty out.
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11-07-2014 00:29 by
Psycho
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People with multiple personalities scare me. Speak for yourself b*tch. That's right, you heard him.
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11-07-2014 00:47 by
Psycho
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I'll stop being creepy when you stop sending me telepathic messages that you secretly want me.
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11
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11-20-2014 11:36 by
Psycho
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Nice try, but you're not getting rid of me that easily.
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11-24-2014 08:39 by
Psycho
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Got tasered at speed dating again.
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12-11-2014 00:42 by
Psycho
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A girl punched me today. Does that still mean she likes me? And if so, why the mace?
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12-13-2014 13:17 by
Psycho
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In a survival situation, you can drink your own urine. Fortunately, my Wi-Fi came back on just as I was filling the can.
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12-13-2014 14:23 by
Psycho
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If I stalked you any harder you'd be a missing person by now.
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12-17-2014 11:31 by
Psycho
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[breaks apart couple holding hands] You're free now
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12-19-2014 04:15 by
Psycho
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Me: *kisses her on both cheeks goodbye* Cashier: That's really not necessary
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12-19-2014 04:42 by
Psycho
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Do you ever get the feeling that you're being watched? Because if it's bothering you, I'll stop.
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01-25-2015 06:24 by
Psycho
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Damn girl, are you a Snickers bar because you're so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly hard and hold on, are those nuts?
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01-30-2015 06:16 by
Psycho
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How much for the angry lawn gnome? Hey, that's my toddler.
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11
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01-30-2015 06:32 by
Psycho
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