Leeferd Funny Status Messages

   Why is it you never crave Chick-Fil-A until it's Sunday...the one day they're NOT open?

   thinks it was irresponsible for the Cox Candy Company to make a lollipop. Who would walk into a candy store and ask for a Cox Sucker?

   If your wife or girlfriend forces you to carry a "man bag", it's official: you've been "pursey whipped."

   madder than a midget without a show on TLC.

   If you love to make your own homemade beef jerky, don't get a vanity tag for your vehicle that says "LUV2JERK." People will laugh at you.

   Can people just go for a bike ride without having to dress up like some Lance Armstrong clone?

   I've been on hold so long I can't remember who I called. I have a credit card out & my pants off but that doesn't narrow it down much.

   would like to remind everyone that today is "Spay & Neuter Your Rednecks Day."

   Scientists say because of global warming, they expect the world's oceans to rise four and a half feet. The scientists say this can mean only one thing: 3/5's of the cast of Little People Big World is going to drown.

   Ever just met someone you want to put in a large trash bag filled with a couple cinder blocks and drop them from a bridge? No? Me neither.

   handing out "damns" because so many people say I give them.

   According to the segment on American Idol's "Idol Gives Back", they just showed $10 was able to purchase 90 lbs of food. Where do these people shop? I can't do that at Wal-Mart, Kroger, or any other place.

   You can make the same drive 100's of times but a good dense fog makes it feel like a totally new experience.

   Dear Wendy's, I so love your delicious, frozen treat called the Frosty. May I make a suggestion? Instead of a plastic straw, could you please substitute this with a bamboo straw? I'm tired of the plastic straws collapsing on me.

   After hearing someone just ramble on and on on the phone or in person, don't you just wish they would become verbally impotent?

   Hiring someone attractive does necessarily not mean they will be a productive employee...unless this person is a prostitute.

   Saw Jack B. Nimble today at the candlestick store. Don't know why he has to jump over those things! Seems too risky.

   Don't you wonder why people look back at the same spot when they trip over it? As if the sidewalk is going to talk back or laugh at them.

   wonders if criminals are starting to catch on that there isn't a lot of crime fighting happening during LOST?

   watching his 401k descend like a drug addled hooker with vertigo.