GlimmerTriplet Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon I would rather sit in front of Pee Wee Herman at a movie theater while out on a date with OJ Simpson after having drinks at Bill Cosby's bar where they use Flint, MI ice cubes after taking an elevator ride with Ray Rice all while Casey Anthony babysits.
←Rate | 11-06-2016 05:30 by GlimmerTriplet Comments (0)  


   messageicon Slightly used Christmas tree only one month old. Paid $60. Looking for $40. No low ballers. Serious inquiries only.
←Rate | 01-03-2017 05:54 by GlimmerTriplet Comments (0)  


   messageicon Generic Frosted Flakes are Oooooooookay!
←Rate | 01-30-2017 05:24 by GlimmerTriplet Comments (0)  


   messageicon My daughter asked me why I carry a gun inside the house. I told her I was scared of the CIA. She laughed. I laughed. Amazon Echo laughed.
←Rate | 03-09-2017 04:35 by GlimmerTriplet Comments (1)  


   messageicon I sure am glad Hillary didn't get elected because we'd still have Obamacare and be at war with Syria.
←Rate | 04-08-2017 05:13 by GlimmerTriplet Comments (0)  


   messageicon I got in touch with my feminine side this morning. I made myself breakfast.
←Rate | 04-24-2017 06:40 by GlimmerTriplet Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't celebrate Cinco de Mayo. - said no Juan ever.
←Rate | 05-06-2017 06:54 by GlimmerTriplet Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I could have sex with anyone, living or dead, I would for sure pick living.
←Rate | 07-29-2017 10:10 by GlimmerTriplet Comments (0)  


   messageicon The last time Houston was under this much water her first name was Whitney.
←Rate | 08-30-2017 07:31 by GlimmerTriplet Comments (0)  


   messageicon Got some good financial news today. The kid I've been sponsoring in some third-world country got eaten by a lion.
←Rate | 09-27-2017 17:35 by GlimmerTriplet Comments (0)  


   messageicon What if April 2 is April Fool's Day and we've been April Fooled all this time?
←Rate | 04-01-2018 07:07 by GlimmerTriplet Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's hotter than a spoon at Demi Lovato's house.
←Rate | 07-28-2018 08:46 by GlimmerTriplet Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bernie Sanders is finally going to pay his staff the $15 minimum wage he advocates for. But he's going to reduce their hours. He has proven the point that increasing the minimum wage to $15 will cost people hours and jobs.
←Rate | 07-22-2019 07:17 by glimmertriplet Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tinder is for rookies. I just went to Facebook Marketplace and searched for wedding dresses. I found dozens of recently divorced women and I could filter them by size.
←Rate | 09-17-2019 08:05 by GlimmerTriplet Comments (0)  


   messageicon Now all of a sudden having a mask, rubber gloves, duct tape, a gallon of bleach and plastic sheeting in the trunk of my car is okay.
←Rate | 04-02-2020 11:55 by GlimmerTriplet Comments (0)  


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