The Atheist Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Dear JB HATERs – I owe my life to Justin. On March 9th, 2009 I was in a coma for 6 months after a terrible car crash. One day my nurse turned the radio to Justin's song, so I got up, and turned the radio off.
←Rate | 07-05-2012 22:52 by The atheist Comments (0)  


   messageicon I know I'm a few days early but I'll just go ahead and say it, anybody... I mean.. ANYBODY who says "see you next year" on New Years eve to me is getting punched in the face. FYI
←Rate | 12-27-2011 01:27 by The Atheist Comments (0)  


   messageicon How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
←Rate | 12-13-2011 01:22 by The Atheist Comments (0)  


   messageicon Finds most Christians treat their bible like computer software. They just scroll down the terms and conditions without reading it and click 'I agree.'
←Rate | 11-11-2010 19:11 by The Atheist Comments (5)  


   messageicon So let me get this right, I cant legally smoke marajuana, yet I can go to my local gun store and buy a Semi Automatic Machine Gun, a couple of grenades and all the ammo I want? Now who's the one that's been smoking something here?
←Rate | 11-03-2010 14:40 by The Atheist Comments (11)  


   messageicon America has just created a new missle called the "Civil Servant." It can't be fired and doesnt work.
←Rate | 12-23-2011 00:09 by The Atheist Comments (0)  


   messageicon Religion is a bit like porn: You know deep down it's all lies but you still buy it. It's a multi-billion dollar industry making a few people very rich. It distorts reality, inciting desires it never satisfies. AND the scripts it's based on are always sh*t
←Rate | 10-31-2010 17:01 by The Atheist Comments (13)  


   messageicon So if I steal "free" wifi from the local church near my house, does that mean god is sending me a signal?
←Rate | 05-24-2013 10:57 by The atheist Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just watch my dog chase his own tail for 10 minutes and I was like, "Wow dogs are easily entertained." Then I realized that I just watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes.....
←Rate | 08-17-2011 21:38 by The Atheist Comments (0)  


   messageicon Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime; give a man religion and he will die praying for a fish
←Rate | 10-29-2010 16:53 by The Atheist Comments (5)  


   messageicon It takes 37 muscles to frown. And 22 muscles to smile. It takes 0 muscles to not give a f*ck.
←Rate | 01-30-2012 03:41 by The Atheist Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only words missing from the bible are once upon a time and happily ever after.
←Rate | 08-01-2011 00:43 by The Atheist Comments (0)  


   messageicon You guys want further proof there is no God? Justin Beiber is starring in his own movie about himself. Called Justin Beiber Never say never... IN 3D!!!!!! wish I was lying...
←Rate | 11-01-2010 18:37 by The Atheist Comments (5)  


   messageicon Rose are red, violets are blue. I have a gun. Get in the van.
←Rate | 10-26-2011 05:19 by the Atheist Comments (0)  


   messageicon Jesus turned water into wine!..ok..I can turn my whole paycheck into beer BAH!!!...your turn Jesus.
←Rate | 10-31-2010 19:22 by The Atheist Comments (6)  


   messageicon I rear ended a midget with my car the other day. So he go out and looked at me and said, "Im not happy," so I asked, "So then what Dwarf are you?
←Rate | 11-16-2011 03:25 by the Atheist Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I made a clone of myself and made out with myself would it be considered gay or masterbation?
←Rate | 08-18-2011 22:27 by the Atheist Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sorry, Rick Santorum, but you have to carry your dead presidential campaign to full term...
←Rate | 04-11-2012 11:16 by The Atheist Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tenative Thanksgiving Menu: A little bit of small pox as an appetizer, some Mass Genocide as the main course, and finish it off with some forced relocation for dessert.
←Rate | 11-10-2010 23:30 by The Atheist Comments (0)  


   messageicon going to start a hospital and in my hospital when you are admitted you will be ask 2 simple questions. Do you go to church and do you believe in God? If you answer yes to both you are given a Referral to God Form and asked to leave property immediately
←Rate | 11-03-2010 19:07 by The Atheist Comments (0)  


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