Mike M Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by a$$holes." ~William Gibson
←Rate | 09-01-2011 11:48 by Mike M Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear 5 HOUR ENERGY ®, Some of us work 8 hours. Sincerely, A None-Government Employee
←Rate | 01-31-2011 19:58 by Mike M Comments (1)  


   messageicon When you love someone you check and recheck and then check again to make sure it's them you're sending a text to.
←Rate | 02-10-2011 09:35 by Mike M Comments (0)  


   messageicon Many of you have asked what my ex-wife looks like. Just look up in the sky tonight... she's the one on the broom.
←Rate | 10-31-2010 20:44 by Mike M Comments (0)  


   messageicon When deciding which self-checkout line to stand in, I don't look to see how many items they have, I look to see how intelligent they look.
←Rate | 12-30-2010 16:23 by Mike M Comments (1)  


   messageicon can't seem to turn off the wildlife feature on his GPS... every now and then it tells me, "In 500 feet, bear left!" Like that's not gonna scare the crap out of me!
←Rate | 08-06-2010 09:06 by Mike M Comments (0)  


   messageicon Few people know this but Cinco de Mayo is actually about a ship full of mayonnaise that sank off the coast of Mexico.
←Rate | 05-01-2010 22:30 by Mike M Comments (0)  


   messageicon They want us to think they're backpack leaf blowers but they're actually jetpacks... and THAT'S how they're getting across the border! 
←Rate | 10-08-2010 09:39 by Mike M Comments (0)  


   messageicon The road to recovery from my addiction to sexual innuendos has been a long and hard one. But the end is in sight... I can see it coming.
←Rate | 10-09-2014 04:22 by Mike M Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember that whole "Look both ways before crossing the street" thing? Well that also applies to picking your nose at a stop light. I just got totally busted when I looked at the guy on my right, pointing at me and laughing...
←Rate | 05-09-2011 10:07 by Mike M Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girlfriend said, "I don't know if six inches is gonna be enough for me." Thank God we were at Subway when she said it!
←Rate | 08-25-2011 15:31 by Mike M Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do meteorologists try and educate me on the workings of mother nature?  Dude, just tell me pants or shorts tomorrow...
←Rate | 09-09-2011 01:57 by Mike M Comments (0)  


   messageicon The guy in line in front of me has flowers, condoms, mints, deodorant, and Champagne. It's no secret what he's up to... Whereas my items are less revealing... toilet paper, Perpetration H, Imodium A-D, and stain remover.
←Rate | 09-03-2011 22:39 by Mike M Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hello Mr. Monster Truck tailgating me with your superbright halogen headlights... I can make my break lights brighter... wanna see?
←Rate | 03-15-2011 09:56 by Mike M Comments (1)  


   messageicon Have you seen these a$$ clowns who hang the testicles underneath their pickup trucks? Women it's your fault that this is still happening. Stop breeding with these morons!
←Rate | 08-03-2011 10:47 by Mike M Comments (0)  


   messageicon Guys don't post stuff like ☆ BEAUTIFUL☆ FATHER☆ AWARD ☆ on eachouther's walls with the whole ˙·٠•●♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥●•٠·˙ crap after it.  We show each other love by posting, "Dude, you're an A$$!"  
←Rate | 05-11-2011 20:34 by Mike M Comments (0)  


   messageicon doesn't think them as underwear, he sees them more as a manhole cover.
←Rate | 09-06-2010 21:49 by Mike M Comments (0)  


   messageicon They want us to think they're backpack leaf blowers but they're actually jetpacks... and THAT'S how they're getting across the boarder! 
←Rate | 05-10-2011 07:30 by Mike M Comments (0)  


   messageicon I always feel a little guilty when I swallow my multi-vitamin with beer.
←Rate | 06-01-2011 02:16 by Mike M Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't always drink milk, but when I do.... I prefer Dos Boobies. Stay thirsty my friends...
←Rate | 10-16-2011 18:39 by Mike M Comments (0)  



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