Michael Askins Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Dear girl in Walmart, Yes it is summer but your shirt and shorts are way too small and you look like a half opened can of biscuits. Sincerely, The guy in line behind you clawing out his eyeballs..
←Rate | 04-13-2013 07:04 by Michael askins Comments (0)  


   messageicon may the bridges I burn light my way...
←Rate | 08-05-2011 07:18 by michael askins Comments (0)  


   messageicon likes being vague, because it's almost as fun as doing this other thing.
←Rate | 11-24-2010 08:39 by Michael Askins Comments (0)  


   messageicon Word to the wise... Sending an engagement request to your girlfriends facebook is not a good way to propose
←Rate | 11-10-2010 05:44 by Michael Askins Comments (0)  


   messageicon The government shut down? Hmm.. Didn't notice any difference...
←Rate | 10-01-2013 22:44 by Michael Askins Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinks spell check is for the week
←Rate | 12-18-2010 18:49 by Michael Askins Comments (0)  


   messageicon wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of "liking" my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I'm awesome.
←Rate | 11-12-2010 09:44 by Michael Askins Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinking of spending the cab money on more shots and just taking the ambulance home
←Rate | 11-10-2010 05:48 by Michael Askins Comments (1)  


   messageicon Happiness is'nt getting what you want, it is wanting what you've got
←Rate | 03-18-2011 19:09 by Michael Askins Comments (0)  


   messageicon you get what you pay for... Nothing proves this more than toilet paper and hookers
←Rate | 11-25-2010 06:21 by Michael Askins Comments (0)  


   messageicon likes Facebook because I can say whatever I want about anyone as long as it's carefully worded so you can't tell that I'm talking about you, Rebecca.
←Rate | 12-29-2010 20:11 by Michael Askins Comments (0)  


   messageicon Word to the wise... Sending an engagement request to your girlfriends facebook is not a good way to propose
←Rate | 12-18-2010 18:50 by Michael Askins Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just seen someone dressed as the Statue of Liberty running down the road being chased by a Rottweiler..... Today is off to a great start!!!
←Rate | 03-13-2011 16:58 by Michael Askins Comments (0)  


   messageicon I may be reading too much into this, but I'm pretty sure this girl I met is stalking me... I saw her google my name last night through my binoculars.. I nearly fell out of the tree!!
←Rate | 03-24-2012 18:34 by Michael Askins Comments (0)  


   messageicon Likes being vague.. because its almost as fun as doing this other thing..
←Rate | 12-17-2010 20:23 by Michael Askins Comments (0)  


   messageicon If your in the grocery store with your new iphone 7 and pay with food stamps don't be surprised when I slap that phone out of your hand.
←Rate | 10-03-2016 17:05 by Michael Askins Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know those packets that come in beef jerky to keep it fresh? I just ate one... And it wasnt half bad..
←Rate | 11-11-2010 05:38 by Michael Askins Comments (0)  


   messageicon Props to all the women who don't have to dress like a slut to get attention from men, stay classy... The rest of you come with me...
←Rate | 09-08-2016 22:22 by Michael Askins Comments (0)  


   messageicon wondering if you have multiple personalities and threaten to kill yourself, is it considered a hostage situation?
←Rate | 11-12-2010 09:47 by Michael Askins Comments (0)  


   messageicon thinks it's tricky when you're ignoring someone and they ask you if you're ignoring them.
←Rate | 11-14-2010 04:52 by Michael Askins Comments (0)  


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