@svaldez187 Funny Status Messages

   These kids gonna be dumb AF. We never missed these many days of school in our life

   Just checked my bank account and it looks like everyone is getting text messages for Christmas.

   Excited to be able to bet on the NFL again. I got money on the coronavirus shutting down the league in week3.

   Mariah Carey didn't give the performance that 2016 wanted, but she gave the performance 2016 deserved.

   $1400.00 per child? Hold up Maury, I just might be the father after all.

   With all this stress eating, I may hit 270 before either of the candidates.

   Your tax refund probably taking long cuz all your kids got different last names and the IRS is confused.

   Y’all really spending $300 for hotels rooms on Valentine’s Day to do the same 3 position y’all do at home?

   Todays Mexican world of the day is DALLAS.....because this is dallas game the Cowboys will play this season.

   I can't be the only one who’s first instinct when a fly lands on their computer screen is to try to scare it with the cursor.

   Facebook stopped working so some of y’all can get on Indeed.

   Some random number just texted me thinking he was texting his manager saying that he was gonna be a few minutes late today. So I just gave him the day off.

   What a great Halloween. Thanks for giving us the night off Covid!

   If Mike Wazowski scratches the bottom of his head, is he scratching his chin? Or his balls?

   Before I get drunk, I wanna wish everyone a happy father's day.

   I'm not sure who needs to hear this but Walmart sells Father's Day cards in packs of five.

   I hope Mariah Carey getting some good rest today cause it’s game time at midnight.

   Kids, don't knock on my door saying 'trick or treat'. You better say 'chicken or beef' bcuz I'm handing out noodles.

   Some of yall dressing y’all kids for red ribbon week then smoking a blunt after they go to school.

   Selena: *Trying to Rest In Peace* Her parents: get up you got a gig 🤪🤦🏻🤣