flinnie Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I hope to get to the point in my life where I'm not excited about finding change on the ground.
←Rate | 03-05-2013 05:48 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just once I want to see a car with one woman sticker and twelve cat stickers.
←Rate | 01-10-2013 06:07 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The first five days after the weekend are always the toughest.
←Rate | 04-23-2012 09:00 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The hardest part of parenting is standing idly by while your children build a mediocre couch fort.
←Rate | 02-19-2013 06:15 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Next time you're on the phone and a customer service rep asks "Is there anything else I can do for you?" whisper "Smile for the camera, I'm watching you" & hang up
←Rate | 03-23-2012 09:20 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'll usually hug people when it's obvious they only want to shake hands
←Rate | 08-24-2011 16:13 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon My parents never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, "Who murdered this guy with a pipe?"
←Rate | 04-29-2015 12:23 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Saying, "We need to talk," is the most efficient way to freak someone out
←Rate | 03-08-2012 05:13 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I text someone and they dont text me back, I automatically assume that they fainted from overexcitement.
←Rate | 02-13-2012 09:24 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fact: the domestic Cat remains the only species that's trained humans to clean up poop in exchange for conditional love.
←Rate | 01-19-2012 07:13 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon To all the waiters out there: we don't get impressed when you try to memorize our orders, we just get nervous.
←Rate | 05-09-2013 06:28 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon just read that women are smarter than men. Really?! Have you ever met a man that "fell in" the toilet in the middle of the night?
←Rate | 04-19-2011 00:36 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon When a woman puts on a low cut shirt, she's basically saying she wants to win all arguments for the day.
←Rate | 03-26-2012 13:28 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The cashier at the dollar store told me to have a good day like my purchase of shelf liner suggested any other plan.
←Rate | 10-12-2015 09:44 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm terribly conflicted when people I hate from work, bring cupcakes.
←Rate | 03-30-2015 04:48 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I finally overcame my fear of skinny dipping. Unfortunately it cost me my YMCA membership.
←Rate | 02-24-2013 07:56 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon ever look at your old pillow without its case? Looks like a civil war bandage. Do our heads ooze syrup when we sleep?
←Rate | 08-11-2011 01:37 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why are doctors so afraid of apples anyway?
←Rate | 04-21-2012 05:41 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon A handprint in clay is a great Father's Day gift from a three year old. Kinda creepy from a thirty year old, though.
←Rate | 06-16-2012 06:24 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The older you get, the harder it gets to find someone willing to share a horse costume with you.
←Rate | 03-19-2012 19:43 by flinnie Comments (0)  




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