snotty Funny Status Messages

   "It didn't make him stronger" - My gravestone, prolly..

   Gameshow Fact: Every time a girl buys "a D",,, Pat hip-thrusts off camera.

   There is no way Hollywood could remake "The Ring" for millennials,,, because none of them would answer the phone.

   Remember yesterday was September.... So,, Only three more months of summer

   I'm OK with the French beach laws,, but the KKK shouldn't be allowed to wear their burkas either... *Ya know,, fairness

   I remember back in the 80s,,, BEFORE the Internet really existed,, that MTV used to randomly Rick Roll everyone.

   *Bites into a grilled cheese sandwich*... *cuts tongue*... Wtf,, this IS sharp cheddar

   [God creating bees].. And,,, Put a needle on it's butt... ANGEL: “Come on God, wha—?“... GOD: Oh, and make it's puke delicious... ANGEL:“Can we just call it quits for the day?”... GOD: NO, and I want you to paint stripes on it..

   Oh, you’re a ceiling fan?... Name three ceilings then... Yeah,,, I didn't think so

   Ironically, Seattle's Marco Polo Motel does not have a pool.

   If Santa Claus had a FB account,,,, none of us would get presents.

   My Indian name is 'Dances with Panda Express'.

   Female gladiators are known as gladiolas.... Trust me, I'm a gladiatorian.

   Yes,,, 4 out of 5 dentists recommend you brush your teeth... But the 5th one gets the most business.es,,,

   TSA: Sir, you can't bring that bottle of whiskey on the flight... Me: Um, this is my Service Whiskey. See his little vest?

   Listen,,, If you're not writing letters to random male prisoners,, you're really not "trying everything" to find a man.

   someone stole my mood ring....and I'm just not sure how I feel about that

   Yes Comrade,, In America, No one owns a smartphone, the smartphone owns you.

   [Ship Sinking] Captain:We're short on boats, so women & children first... *Guy rubs chin *coughs* I identify as a woman.... Men echo:I'm a woman too!

   Traitor Joe: Hmmm,, how can I regain people's trust AND sell groceries at the same time?