Aaron Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I buried a time capsule when I was 9. This is the year we are going to dig it up. I can't wait to see how big my puppy got.
←Rate | 03-14-2013 18:28 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon "I'd hit that" -old people who drive
←Rate | 03-14-2013 16:55 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon You're annoying, but honestly, I've been annoyed by better.
←Rate | 03-11-2013 17:50 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever I see a really hot girl with an ugly guy, I think "klondike bar".
←Rate | 03-09-2013 09:06 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thats the last time I ever sleep with an elementary teacher. I woke up with a great job sticker on my stomach.
←Rate | 03-09-2013 00:35 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon People who throw foreign words into conversations to make themselves appear cultured are küntz
←Rate | 03-07-2013 23:29 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever you can't think of anything to say in therapy just go with, "I've been thinking about killing you."
←Rate | 02-28-2013 18:38 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon If an old person talks about their siblings, ask if they're the oldest. No matter what they say, respond "No, I meant oldest in the world?"
←Rate | 02-28-2013 18:33 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon To find Waldo, you must first find yourself
←Rate | 02-27-2013 22:20 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Shout out to sidewalks. Thanks for keeping me off the streets.
←Rate | 02-23-2013 15:43 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon In Hell, someone is constantly vacuuming while you're trying to explain directions to an old man.
←Rate | 02-20-2013 09:46 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm giving up picking my belly button for lent.
←Rate | 02-18-2013 21:49 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I'm murdered, I hope I'm able to write out the killer's name in blood and then "sucks" underneath
←Rate | 02-17-2013 20:39 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have my headphones on, but judging by the reactions, that was an audible fart.
←Rate | 02-17-2013 13:42 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Calling me paranoid just confirmed all my suspicions.
←Rate | 02-17-2013 13:29 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just found out my attic is full of cotton candy!!!
←Rate | 02-14-2013 15:21 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Get a tattoo with Chinese symbols that reads, "I don't know. I don't speak Chinese." Wait for people to ask what your tattoo means.
←Rate | 02-09-2013 21:56 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon My signature move is pulling up my pants with a police flashlight shining in my face.
←Rate | 02-07-2013 23:07 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Excuse me security guard, but I didn't come to this museum to not ride a dead dinosaur.
←Rate | 02-07-2013 12:35 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon How long do I microwave these turtles before I can teach them karate?
←Rate | 02-07-2013 12:32 by Aaron Comments (0)  




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