andrew jackson Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Don’t get your panties in a bunch. The nicer ones are sold individually.
←Rate | 03-17-2014 06:53 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Can’t believe I grew up for this.
←Rate | 03-18-2014 05:17 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I find it very stressful that Smokey thinks that I’m the only one that can prevent forest fires. I don’t feel trained for this, and I certainly didn't sign up for the position.
←Rate | 03-19-2014 05:39 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I never understood why people use a persons picture for their caller ID; me personally I prefer to take a picture of myself and how that person makes me feel.
←Rate | 03-20-2014 05:27 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Used to work at a funeral home, and whenever I called out sick I always felt like I was leading them on.
←Rate | 03-22-2014 05:50 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon If there's one thing I've learned, it's that I should have learned some other stuff.
←Rate | 03-25-2014 05:56 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I feel sorry for people who don’t have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor
←Rate | 03-26-2014 05:31 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just read 'Everybody Poops' but I'm still skeptical.
←Rate | 03-30-2014 07:43 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I get a lot of “You must work out!!!” I just wish it wasn’t from doctors
←Rate | 04-04-2014 05:30 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best part about legalizing marijuana would be not having to listen to anyone else explain to me why we should legalize marijuana
←Rate | 04-09-2014 05:23 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon “Dude things are messed up with Syria.” “Yeah. I hope she performs better in iPhone 6.” I have stupid, really stupid friends
←Rate | 04-09-2014 05:28 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Click "Like" if you agree that I don't need your validation
←Rate | 04-13-2014 06:15 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don’t understand why Walmart has a problem with me bringing my dog in the store. He’s better behaved, smells better, and less likely to take a crap on the floor than 95% of the people here.
←Rate | 04-14-2014 05:37 by andrew jackson Comments (1)  


   messageicon Now I ain't saying she's a golddigger, but the spelunking helmet and metal shavings on her work gloves certainly suggest she might be
←Rate | 04-15-2014 05:34 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon My tombstone will read "should have googled it first."
←Rate | 04-16-2014 04:43 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just did 100 crunches. Crumbs everywhere.
←Rate | 04-17-2014 05:26 by andrew jackson Comments (1)  


   messageicon I text back embarrassingly fast or three days later there is no in-between.
←Rate | 04-17-2014 05:27 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon My neighbor has a toilet marked "FREE" on his front lawn. Either offering a free used potty or he's part of the Toilet Liberation Army.
←Rate | 04-17-2014 10:05 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever I open my fridge, my dog looks at me with a puzzled look and he thinks: Why don’t you eat all the food?
←Rate | 04-18-2014 06:38 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s been five minutes since Adobe asked me to install an update. I hope they didn't go out of business or something.
←Rate | 04-18-2014 06:41 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  



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