hihuggiehi Funny Status Messages

   I Just bought a Ken doll. I don't know what everyone's talking about, you can't read books on this thing

   The guy who wrote the program that estimates how much time is left on a download did not take his job seriously at all.

   WARNING: "There's no wrong way to eat a Reese's" is apparently not a valid defense for Indecent Exposure.

   Just played the board game Clue, The "Who killed music" version. Well turns out it was Nicki Minaj, in the studio, with a microphone.

   All I'm saying is: If you're already gonna be late for work you might as well walk into the office tangled up in a hammock.

   Caution: When someone tells you to get a grip, apparently around their neck is not what they meant.. Who knew

   The ads where Bing says they're better than Google are so cute. Like when you let a kid think hes playing Xbox but the controllers unplugged.

   If sober me won't do it...drunk me will.

   I'm old enough to remember when a car on the back of a tow truck meant transmission problem rather than repossession problem.

   My boss wants me to keep my headphones volume low enough to hear my work phone ring AND stay awake at my desk like some kind of wizard.

   I had to take back my OJ Simpson Halloween costume because the glove didn't fit.

   Right before I left the house my wife asked me if I filled out my organ donor information and now I'm hesitant to start the car.

   Drank like 3 Four Lokos and some hand sanitizer last night, blacked out and apparently officiated a Monday Night Football game.

   If everyone "resolves" to not care about the Kardashians in 2012 do you think they'll go away?

   I've learned sooo much from my mistakes.. I'm thinking of making some more

   Be careful who you call friends. I'd rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies.

   People act all surprised that there's a bacon shortage, as if they have never seen a single episode of Honey Boo Boo.

   In an emergency, I`d probably write a status about it before calling the police

   Thank god we don't send messages with pigeons anymore. Where would I find 200 pigeons every day?

   I need more pets because I'm running out of passwords.