flinnie Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon The VMA's is the only day out of every year that MTV pretends to care about music.. Then its back to the pregnant teens, jersey people in italy, and sweet 16 birthday parties
←Rate | 08-29-2011 06:08 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just once I want to see a car with one woman sticker and twelve cat stickers.
←Rate | 01-10-2013 06:07 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Someone should sit Lindsay Lohan down and force her to watch that episode of Saved by the Bell where Jessie was addicted to caffeine pills.
←Rate | 11-30-2012 11:33 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hope to get to the point in my life where I'm not excited about finding change on the ground.
←Rate | 03-05-2013 05:48 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The first five days after the weekend are always the toughest.
←Rate | 04-23-2012 09:00 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Next time you're on the phone and a customer service rep asks "Is there anything else I can do for you?" whisper "Smile for the camera, I'm watching you" & hang up
←Rate | 03-23-2012 09:20 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The hardest part of parenting is standing idly by while your children build a mediocre couch fort.
←Rate | 02-19-2013 06:15 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'll usually hug people when it's obvious they only want to shake hands
←Rate | 08-24-2011 16:13 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fact: the domestic Cat remains the only species that's trained humans to clean up poop in exchange for conditional love.
←Rate | 01-19-2012 07:13 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I text someone and they dont text me back, I automatically assume that they fainted from overexcitement.
←Rate | 02-13-2012 09:24 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm terribly conflicted when people I hate from work, bring cupcakes.
←Rate | 03-30-2015 04:48 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The cashier at the dollar store told me to have a good day like my purchase of shelf liner suggested any other plan.
←Rate | 10-12-2015 09:44 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon When a woman puts on a low cut shirt, she's basically saying she wants to win all arguments for the day.
←Rate | 03-26-2012 13:28 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I finally overcame my fear of skinny dipping. Unfortunately it cost me my YMCA membership.
←Rate | 02-24-2013 07:56 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon ever look at your old pillow without its case? Looks like a civil war bandage. Do our heads ooze syrup when we sleep?
←Rate | 08-11-2011 01:37 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon A handprint in clay is a great Father's Day gift from a three year old. Kinda creepy from a thirty year old, though.
←Rate | 06-16-2012 06:24 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The older you get, the harder it gets to find someone willing to share a horse costume with you.
←Rate | 03-19-2012 19:43 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ever see one sneaker in the road? How does this happen? Does a jogger get home look down at their feet and say "Not again...lost another one"
←Rate | 12-10-2011 06:06 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Transit of Venus was by far the best small black dot moving boringly across a large yellow circle I've ever witnessed.
←Rate | 06-06-2012 19:03 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I watch "Footloose" all I can think is, "They allow dancing one town over. Just go there."
←Rate | 10-11-2011 10:31 by flinnie Comments (0)  




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