Jake Funny Status Messages



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Page: 9 of 22

   messageicon Cruelty is people with back pain having to bend over at the pharmacy to get a tube of Bengay from the bottom shelf.
←Rate | 05-22-2018 15:33 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Woman claim that they are good at multitasking. If so why can't they have sex and a headache at the same time
←Rate | 03-10-2018 17:59 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've been married for 14 years. The bad part, I don't recall ever breaking two mirriors.
←Rate | 03-16-2018 00:16 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife is losing it, she told me she was seeing someone behind my back. But when I turn around there wasn't anyone there.
←Rate | 04-26-2018 14:15 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I remember how proud my wife was when she taught our baby son how to walk and talk. Now that he's 5 she's trying to teach him to sit down and shut up.
←Rate | 09-23-2017 07:34 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon For the past 20 years I've got a valentine card from a secret admirer. And was sad when I didn't get one this year. Frist my meemaw dies, now this.
←Rate | 02-14-2018 19:29 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Babies cry at night to prevent their parents from making another one.
←Rate | 01-06-2018 00:34 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have a tremendous sex drive. My girlfriend lives 25 miles away.
←Rate | 02-28-2018 17:25 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I never repeat gossip. So you'll have to listen very carefully the first time.
←Rate | 02-28-2018 17:30 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon How many people with ADHD does it take to change...... ooh butterfly
←Rate | 03-19-2018 15:23 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Having one child makes you a parent. Having two a referee
←Rate | 04-25-2018 16:18 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon When I phone the child abuse hotline a kid answered the phone and told me to piss off.
←Rate | 05-03-2018 16:24 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon My inflatable girlfriend takes my breath away.
←Rate | 05-26-2018 14:28 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon A man of few words is a married man.
←Rate | 07-01-2018 19:40 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's better for people to think you're a fool then open your mouth and remove all dout.
←Rate | 07-03-2018 14:21 by Jake Comments (2)  


   messageicon Claustrophobic people are more productive outside of the box.
←Rate | 07-08-2018 21:00 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I asked my wife what would you do if I won the lottery? She said I'd take half, then leave you. Great, I won $50.00 here's $25.00 bye bye.
←Rate | 07-27-2018 21:03 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Rule #1 in marriage. If she not happy you won't be happy.
←Rate | 08-22-2018 23:41 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon What is it that you have that other people use more often than you do?....... Your name :)
←Rate | 08-28-2018 20:20 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Most wives don't mind if their husband brings some work home with them to do. But my sister sure does. Her husband is a mortician.
←Rate | 09-01-2017 23:28 by Jake Comments (0)  




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