andrew jackson Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon People using "obtuse" in a sentence think they're smart by using a $.10 word. Really, they only know it because Shawshank is on TV weekly
←Rate | 12-27-2014 06:50 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you’re ever in a swordfight, don’t swing at your opponent’s legs, because (a) he’ll hop over your sword, and (b) what are you doing?
←Rate | 12-27-2014 06:44 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon What if dogs bring the ball back because they think you enjoy throwing it?
←Rate | 12-26-2014 06:50 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fly Eagles fly. To your offseason vacations and free agents meeting with other teams. Since you don't have playoffs to worry about.
←Rate | 12-21-2014 07:27 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I always put in a full eight hours at work. Spread out over the course of the week.
←Rate | 12-21-2014 07:15 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon There'll be parties for hosting, marshmallows for toasting, and Sally out in the snow. Come on, guys, let Sally back inside.
←Rate | 12-14-2014 08:33 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Science shows having pets adds 5 years to your life. Have thousands of pets, never stop owning pets. Become immortal. Laugh as your foes grow old and die
←Rate | 12-14-2014 08:27 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon The holidays are a good time to think about those less fortunate than you. Aaaaaaand done.
←Rate | 12-14-2014 08:25 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you want to talk to me on the phone, I need at least three days notice.
←Rate | 12-12-2014 05:30 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon My brain must think sleep= death... every time I try to fall asleep, my life flashes before my eyes. Well, the embarrassing bits, anyways.
←Rate | 12-11-2014 13:51 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon George Lucas claims to have not seen the new Star Wars trailer. How many of us wish we could say that about the Phantom Menace?
←Rate | 12-11-2014 13:50 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s amazing how the lowly potato gives us potato chips, french fries, and vodka. Get it together, every other vegetable
←Rate | 12-09-2014 05:48 by andrew jackson Comments (2)  


   messageicon I went to a diner last night & the waitress asked "is pepsi okay?" I said I don't know!! did something happen?
←Rate | 12-06-2014 06:51 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon So, what are all us fortunate people complaining about today?
←Rate | 12-06-2014 06:44 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I shot the sheriff and his portraits in the park turned out great. Shooting the deputy tomorrow if weather permits
←Rate | 12-06-2014 06:44 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon It sucks 'cause when I try to make bedroom eyes I make breakfast nook eyes by mistake and my wife just gets hungry.
←Rate | 12-04-2014 05:53 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon You may notice white girls wearing black armbands today. As all things pumpkin spice are replaced by all things peppermint.
←Rate | 11-29-2014 20:03 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear people jogging with that stupid smile on your face. I know what route you take and I will jump out of bushes and scare that smile away
←Rate | 11-26-2014 03:35 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm leaving my body to science because even scientists need a good laugh now and then.
←Rate | 11-23-2014 07:17 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon “You wore that before” yea because it’s my shirt and I have a washing machine!
←Rate | 11-21-2014 05:21 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  



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