santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   laying beside a dead deer in a santa suit

   The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

   Dear Santa, what I want for Christmas is... your list with names of bad girls ;)

   I returned an online purchase and the form said for your security, please use Fedex, UPS, USPS, DHL or Parcel Post. Exactly what other options do they think I'm considering? Horse? Catapult? Helicopter drop? Santa?

   In case I drink too much and pass out for a while, Merry Christmas you guys.

   My favorite sexual position: The Chilean miner. That's where you go down on me and stay there till Christmas.

   ____________is so far in the closet he is finding Christmas presents in Narnia.

   98 MORE SHOPPING DAYS UNTILL CHRISTMAS....YUK!

   Why are some parents hypocritical..."don't lie to me or I'll tell SAnta on you"

   showed my son the switch that makes the fridge light go off when the door closes. He looked at me like I'd just shot Santa in the nuts.

   I wonder how long I can keep telling my kids I'm gunna call Santa..

   Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do! D Troen

   When I was a child, I remember lying with my eyes closed waiting for Santa to come. ....Then there was the awkward silence as he got dressed and left.

   All I want for Christmas, is to keep the things I've got.

   will not be making any Christmas related status updates until December

   Just thinking of how confusing it would be to all the little tricker treaters if I dressed up as santa for Halloween and handed out candy..........

   Just thinking of how confusing it would be to all the little tricker treaters if I dressed up as santa for Halloween, stood next to the Easter Bunny, and handed out eggs......

   ...little boy writes to Santa: please send me a sister. Santa writes to little boy: ok, send me your mother.

   Whoo yooh A suicide book..got my mother in laws christmas present..};-)

   wants a dirty picture of you so I can add it to my Xmas wishlist to send to Santa