flinnie Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Just once in my life I want to kick someone out of my office by saying "I said good day sir!" I suppose I'd need an office first.
←Rate | 08-04-2011 03:54 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Does this couch I'm laying on make me look unmotivated?
←Rate | 08-05-2011 23:04 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish we could all just get along. Unless you don't like the same music as me; then you can eat sh!t & die in a fire.
←Rate | 08-05-2011 23:06 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like to think that every time firemen get a call they're like "Yaaay! We get to ride in the truck!" then they laugh & tickle each other
←Rate | 08-05-2011 23:11 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I fear that my entire life is a mockumentary
←Rate | 08-05-2011 23:14 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon "I know" - best response to someone telling you your fly is open
←Rate | 08-05-2011 23:17 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm hoping my parents just keep forgetting to tell me about my trust fund.
←Rate | 08-05-2011 23:19 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ladies, if he is strumming your pain with his fingers, you should see a doctor
←Rate | 08-07-2011 15:41 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I tried pulling myself up by my bootstraps, now I've got a concussion and two broken bootstraps
←Rate | 08-08-2011 05:41 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't spank my kid, I find waving the gun works so much better
←Rate | 08-11-2011 01:34 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon ever look at your old pillow without its case? Looks like a civil war bandage. Do our heads ooze syrup when we sleep?
←Rate | 08-11-2011 01:37 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just saw graffiti of someone's Twitter name. It's official- the world is ending.
←Rate | 08-11-2011 01:43 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon We get it, London, you're better at rioting than Vancouver, you can stop now.
←Rate | 08-11-2011 01:55 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Updating my status in the car. Don't worry, I'm in the passenger seat. Which makes it harder to drive, but fools the cops.
←Rate | 08-12-2011 06:46 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today, at Starbucks, when the lady asked for my name, I told her "Voldemort". When the guy called out the name for pick-up, he said, "VOL...uhhh...'He Who Must Not Be Named'".
←Rate | 08-15-2011 05:55 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I never eat in hospital cafeterias. I'm always afraid they'll try to poison me to amp up business.
←Rate | 08-15-2011 05:55 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever a bird poops on my car I eat a plate of scrambled eggs on my front porch just to let them know what I'm capable of!
←Rate | 08-15-2011 05:56 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I swear it wasn't me that drew a d!ck on your face after you passed out. I traced it.
←Rate | 08-16-2011 05:44 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon My last words will be either "I wonder what this does..." or "no, you put YOUR gun down."
←Rate | 08-16-2011 05:46 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just accidentally mixed 'I cant believe its not butter' with my regular butter...now I don't know what to believe
←Rate | 08-16-2011 05:47 by flinnie Comments (0)  



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