andrew jackson Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon You can never rule out the possibility that someone in your life is dead and you've been getting Weekend-at-Bernie'ed.
←Rate | 02-12-2014 12:39 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Hippos are actually more dangerous than crocodiles and sharks combined." - Moron who clearly hasn't pictured a Crocoshark.
←Rate | 02-13-2014 04:55 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon The main message women seemed to take away from Cinderella is it's okay to take your shoes off when you go out.
←Rate | 02-13-2014 04:57 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Having a bad Day? Remember there are folks who have their ex's name tattooed on their body
←Rate | 02-14-2014 05:03 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon The great thing about waking up to 3 feet of snow is it gives me a legit excuse to skip my usual 5:30am 20K run.
←Rate | 02-14-2014 07:47 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Stop everything you’re doing. Think about me. You’re welcome
←Rate | 02-15-2014 05:16 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I always wrap someone's fist bump with my high five because paper beats rock
←Rate | 02-18-2014 05:46 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fun Fact Ladies: You can win all arguments with your man by putting on yoga pants and walking away.
←Rate | 02-18-2014 05:47 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Robin Thicke and Paula Patton are getting a divorce. I guess what rhymes with hug me is alimony
←Rate | 02-25-2014 05:10 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Vacation to Hawaii? Meh. Paris? No thanks. Venice? I'll pass. Back in time to being 7 years old on a Saturday? YES, PLEASE!!
←Rate | 02-25-2014 09:41 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I would love to put out a comic labeled "For Mature Readers" that is just a heartfelt meditation on aging and mortality.
←Rate | 02-25-2014 09:53 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't stand it when people don't know the difference between your and you're. There so stupid.
←Rate | 02-27-2014 05:26 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Due to a Recommended Daily Allowance misprint I've been consuming 12 pounds of magnesium every day since 1988.
←Rate | 03-01-2014 09:54 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I live by my father's motto: "Life is a football game. Try to fall asleep in the first quarter and complain if anyone shuts off the TV."
←Rate | 03-01-2014 09:57 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Autocorrect is changing correctly spelled words. I’m starting to think it has a mind of its AUTOCORRECT IS HARMLESS. GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS.
←Rate | 03-06-2014 05:15 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Knock knock! Who's there? Daisy! Daisy, who? Daisy me rollin, they hatin.
←Rate | 03-06-2014 05:20 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon A word to the wise. A paragraph to the smart. A long-form essay to the oblivious. A silent, meaningful gesture to the enlightened.
←Rate | 03-07-2014 05:29 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon My favorite thing to do on Facebook is to get in a long conversation with someone and then delete all my comments to make them look crazy.
←Rate | 03-11-2014 04:30 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’ve set my “life goals” to stuff I’ve already done so literally every day now I’m overachieving. It’s all about perspective.
←Rate | 03-11-2014 05:24 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon It pays to network: today, take time to call up every one of your business associates and just tell them that you love them.
←Rate | 03-11-2014 05:37 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  



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