SEAN Funny Status Messages

   My God.....even I!M not white enough to like Michael Buble.....

   Homeless people wouldn't be half as poor if they didn't waste all of their money on sharpies and cardboard.

   Japanese has so many characters, their alphabet soup comes in two separate cans.

   I really don't see why Conrad Murray is going to prison for what he did. House pulls crap like that all the time

   I like how none of the "robbers" on that Vonage commercial are black. Way to dodge that bullet, Vonage.

   It's not technically a hip hop show unless at some point, 9 seemingly random guys are invited on stage to waves their hands for no reason.

   anything is pocket sized if your ass is big enough

   Don't lie, cheat or steal. The government hates competition.

   The life expectancy of reindeer is 8-10 years. We can stop singing about Rudolph now.

   We don't have a chimney but I've assured my children that Santa and anyone else could easily sneak into our home at night.

   With our lousy credit rating, next time we wanna buy a tank, Canada is gonna have to cosign.

   Don't worry guys, Casey Anthony will eventually go to jail for stealing back her sports memorabilia at gunpoint. Let's just ride this out.

   A man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead". The operator says, "How do you know?" He says "The sex is about the same, but the ironing is piling up!"

   I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You obviously haven't been listening."

   I've heard that Apple has scrapped their plans for the new children's-oriented iPod after realizing that "iTouch Kids" is not a good product name.

   The Red Cross just knocked on my door and asked if we could contribute towards the floods in Pakistan . I said we'd love to, but our garden hose only reaches to the driveway.

   My son is dyslexic and terrified about getting paid a visit from Satan in a few days

   Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.

   My sons love dressing up as Wardens and playing prison, their Grandma was shocked when she found out I had built them a miniature electric chair for Christmas....

   Eating memory foam DOESN'T cure Alzheimer's? Well...it SHOULD