Bill Funny Status Messages

   FYI - Tomorrow is Hard Hat Friday......

   I personally think that Hank Jr is just laying the groundwork for a stint on Dancing With the Stars........

   My question: how did that monkey in Zanesville get herpes in the first place?!

   Horse meat is now legal food. Look for McDonald's to introduce the supersized McStallion, low fat McMare, and super lean McGelding burgers, and don't forget the McPony for the kids....Thanks Obama!!

   Celebrating today's unemployment news is like getting excited about all the open tables in the Titanic's dining room, the media appears to be pretending the unemployment rate dropped for some reason other than holiday seasonal staffing.

   Why does a Mexican re-fry their beans? Have you ever seen a Mexican do something right the first time?

   I got my Do-si-dos. Sad thing is I'm about to eat the whole box, I'll be mad at myself later...........

   Kids, watch out for Obama supporters! They'll take half your Easter eggs and give it to the kids who were too lazy to hunt for their own.........

   I think Tupac should win a Hologrammy for his Coachella performance......

   Just updated my resume. Hobbies section now includes: "Currently tied with Lance Armstrong in Tour de France victories."

   Personally, I don't find swearing offensive. I think it adds character & emphasis to a conversation. I do find, backstabbing, lying, cheating and screwing people over offensive, but not swearing.

   Send me one more game request and I'm showing up at your house hammered, at 4am, naked and demanding a game of Twister...

   Was just reading about the new 100 dollar bill design and wondered why I hadn't seen one yet. Then I realized it's because it's a 100 dollar bill.

   I'm going to get dressed up in bear costume and go down to Best Buy on Black Friday and scare the people camping out in tents...

   Sometimes, to retain moisture, I'll brine whatever I'm smoking or grilling. I've found the best brine is made from the tears of 1000 vegans.

   I'm at that age and wisdom where I no longer get up to investigate strange noises. Nope! I've seen that movie.