joser Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon My boss didn't know I drank, till one day I came to work sober.
←Rate | 04-30-2010 01:21 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon After 2 years I finally found the back piece to one of my remotes. This means more to me than it probably should.
←Rate | 05-17-2010 09:58 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon How come so many people Roll On The Floor *Laughing*? If I'm rolling on the floor, it's usually because I'm on fire. Send help.
←Rate | 06-02-2010 14:13 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon The FOLD cycle on the clothes dryer isn't working.
←Rate | 06-03-2010 13:25 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon How much tequila goes into mashed potatoes again?
←Rate | 04-28-2010 14:07 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Censorship is █ very ██████ █████ in █████ ██████...
←Rate | 03-30-2010 18:23 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm picturing you naked right now. Airbrushed, Photoshopped and digitally enhanced, but totally naked...
←Rate | 04-23-2010 13:27 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have accumulated considerable wealth which, along with my collection of firearms, makes me very attractive to women. (Every rap song)
←Rate | 06-18-2010 18:41 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon A cop pulls a guy over for weaving in traffic. He walks up to the driver's window and asks, "You drinkin?" The driver says, "You buyin?"
←Rate | 05-26-2010 19:42 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon WHEW! I just had a near-work experience...
←Rate | 05-28-2010 11:45 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Admit nothing, deny everything and make counter-accusations.
←Rate | 07-08-2010 18:57 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon The smaller the dog, the crazier the chick.
←Rate | 07-12-2010 11:34 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder if gay people ever say things like "Oh my god that is SO straight."
←Rate | 05-17-2010 09:50 by Joser Comments (1)  


   messageicon Where did Macaulay Culkin get the cardboard people for the party in Home Alone? Don't tell me you haven't also wondered this from time to time.
←Rate | 05-21-2010 17:46 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm all out of tea and sympathy. How about some coffee and you f*cking deserved it?
←Rate | 06-07-2010 12:41 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't mind going to work. It's that 8 hour wait to go home that sucks!
←Rate | 06-02-2010 22:57 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon My front door mat actually says "Come back with a warrant."
←Rate | 07-05-2010 13:46 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some people are put off when I greet them with a kiss. Maybe I should use less tongue?
←Rate | 05-14-2010 18:59 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't even know how to spell anymore. I type the 1st half of the word and wait for auto correct to do the rest.
←Rate | 04-23-2010 13:30 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon We need a set time limit for when people can say "long story short," because it usually comes WAY too late.
←Rate | 06-01-2010 13:28 by Joser Comments (0)  




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