andrew jackson Funny Status Messages

   I can't stand it when people don't know the difference between your and you're. There so stupid.

   I’ve come to the sad realization nobody will ever triumphantly pour Gatorade on me for any reason.

   So apparently in a job interview, if the interviewer asks you to choose one word that describes you, the correct answer is not "fergalicious"

   How to tell if a woman is mad at you: 1.She's quiet 2.She's yelling 3.She acts the same 4.She acts different 5.She murdered you

   Testing shows that people in the USA know less about geography than England, Japan and like 100 other countries I've never heard of.

   No, I didn't accidentally pocket dial you, I wanted you to hear me eat lunch.

   For over 20 years, I thought Bon Jovi gave love a Band-Aid

   I feel sorry for people who don’t have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor

   I always know what my childhood friends are doing these days, thanks to the user-friendly county mugshot database.

   I have no idea what swag is, but I'm fairly certain what I have is the opposite of whatever it is.

   To make a long story short quit right in the middle

   Has anyone checked whether cows really have 4 stomachs? Because it kinda sounds like a lie a cow made up once to get more food

   Fell down the stairs today. Counting it as a workout

   Make any conversation awkward by pulling out and starting a stopwatch without saying why you’re doing it.

   Christopher Walken talks like he swallowed too many commas.

   The Four Seasons, by Facebook: Spring: LOOK FLOWERS! Summer: LOOK AT MY DASHBOARD TEMP! Fall: LOOK LEAVES! Winter: MORE DASHBOARD PICS!

   well I've already broken my New Year's resolution, which was to be the ruthless dictator of Belgium.

   Every 3-year-old have two speeds: YOU CAN’T MAKE ME and FACE PLANT.

   Fun thing to do #48: Spice up your food delivery order by ending the call with "And NO cops!"

   You think you love your family but suddenly there's three of you and one remaining slice of pizza.