andrew jackson Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon All my passwords are protected by amnesia.
←Rate | 11-04-2014 11:52 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't stand it when people don't know the difference between your and you're. There so stupid.
←Rate | 02-27-2014 05:26 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’ve come to the sad realization nobody will ever triumphantly pour Gatorade on me for any reason.
←Rate | 07-03-2014 05:39 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon So apparently in a job interview, if the interviewer asks you to choose one word that describes you, the correct answer is not "fergalicious"
←Rate | 10-03-2015 09:32 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon How to tell if a woman is mad at you: 1.She's quiet 2.She's yelling 3.She acts the same 4.She acts different 5.She murdered you
←Rate | 06-15-2014 09:57 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon No, I didn't accidentally pocket dial you, I wanted you to hear me eat lunch.
←Rate | 09-19-2013 10:59 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon FACT: How kids feel about snow days is the exact opposite of how parents feel about snow days.
←Rate | 01-26-2015 07:36 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon For over 20 years, I thought Bon Jovi gave love a Band-Aid
←Rate | 09-05-2014 05:33 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I feel sorry for people who don’t have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor
←Rate | 03-26-2014 05:31 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I always know what my childhood friends are doing these days, thanks to the user-friendly county mugshot database.
←Rate | 12-21-2013 08:20 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have no idea what swag is, but I'm fairly certain what I have is the opposite of whatever it is.
←Rate | 08-08-2015 06:19 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon To make a long story short quit right in the middle
←Rate | 02-20-2015 05:29 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Has anyone checked whether cows really have 4 stomachs? Because it kinda sounds like a lie a cow made up once to get more food
←Rate | 04-29-2015 12:30 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fell down the stairs today. Counting it as a workout
←Rate | 04-02-2015 05:48 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Make any conversation awkward by pulling out and starting a stopwatch without saying why you’re doing it.
←Rate | 07-30-2014 05:24 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Testing shows that people in the USA know less about geography than England, Japan and like 100 other countries I've never heard of.
←Rate | 01-15-2014 05:27 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Christopher Walken talks like he swallowed too many commas.
←Rate | 05-23-2013 06:12 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon well I've already broken my New Year's resolution, which was to be the ruthless dictator of Belgium.
←Rate | 02-09-2014 07:49 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every 3-year-old have two speeds: YOU CAN’T MAKE ME and FACE PLANT.
←Rate | 02-12-2014 04:19 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fun thing to do #48: Spice up your food delivery order by ending the call with "And NO cops!"
←Rate | 08-02-2014 14:12 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  



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