Jake Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I called the vet. and told him that my wife willbe dropping by with our old cat. Can you euthanizer her without any pain? Sure he said, but will the cat find it's way back home alone?
←Rate | 08-03-2018 21:07 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Watched my cat play with a ball of yarn for 5 minutes. And thougt how easily their entertained. Then realized, I just watched my cat play with a ball of yarn for 5 minutes.
←Rate | 08-25-2017 15:13 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Conflicting emotions: Watching your mother in-law drive off a cliff in your brand new car.
←Rate | 10-03-2017 01:57 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Roses are red, violets are blue. I've got five fingers, and just one is for you.
←Rate | 03-05-2018 23:35 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I finally reached the age where happy hour is taking a nap.
←Rate | 06-05-2018 13:48 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon What's worse, women who want you to figure what's bothering them? Or the ones who tell you?
←Rate | 06-05-2018 13:53 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon digesting the fact you've moved onto better things.. LOL JKS you're new boyfriend looks like a retard.
←Rate | 05-27-2011 01:49 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon What's the last thing Tickle Me Elmo recieves before leaving the factory? Two test-tickles.
←Rate | 06-25-2018 01:55 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon . Have you heard the saying the truth will set you free? I told the judge the truth and got three years.
←Rate | 08-25-2017 18:35 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon A man's home is his castle. Untill the queen comes home.
←Rate | 01-11-2018 20:43 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon The government and a duck have something in common. They both can stick their bills up their (_|_) :)
←Rate | 02-16-2018 18:08 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bad decision: Saying come in to a Jehovah Witness at your door.
←Rate | 07-22-2018 15:59 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon should not be mistaken for Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, just because there appears to be a large package in his pants.
←Rate | 12-30-2009 08:18 by jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. But smoking bacon will cure it.
←Rate | 04-30-2018 17:51 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I pick up a copy of the new book The Long Walk Home by Miss. D. Bus.
←Rate | 05-26-2018 17:55 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon The reason you get paid more at a sperm bank than a blood bank is because the sperm is hand made.
←Rate | 02-27-2018 18:33 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're going to open a strip club. Don't name it the G spot. Because men will never be able to find it.
←Rate | 03-27-2018 22:50 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Who ever invented the knock knock joke should get the no bell prize.
←Rate | 08-02-2018 14:51 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife's cooking is so bad, we pray after the meal.
←Rate | 04-24-2018 18:51 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Two girls riding their bikes on a cobble stone road. 1st girl: I never came this way before. 2nd girl: Me neither. It must be the cobble stones.
←Rate | 01-30-2018 03:57 by Jake Comments (0)  


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