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   messageicon You never really know a woman, until she takes you to court.
←Rate | 05-26-2018 08:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I thought about having sex today and then I remembered that I’m married.
←Rate | 05-27-2018 23:16 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ever picked up a copy of your x-ray from the doctors office, open the envelope when you get to the car, hold it up to the light and say....."yeah, I have no clue what I'm looking at"?
←Rate | 06-08-2018 14:47 by Jsabbage Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just swallowed a probiotic with a vodka tonic in case anyone is looking for a health coach.
←Rate | 06-12-2018 02:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Of course you can do a roundhouse kick!" - alcohol
←Rate | 06-19-2018 05:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Often, when I am reading a good book I stop and thank my teacher. Well, I used to. Until she got that restraining order.
←Rate | 02-13-2018 06:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Women use sex to get stuff, men lose stuff because of sex.
←Rate | 02-21-2018 01:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon All those Olympic curlers are headed back home now, where the wife is standing by the door with a mop and a broom saying "no more excuses"
←Rate | 02-26-2018 14:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dancing in the 70's: I have absolutely no idea what I am pointing at
←Rate | 03-24-2018 12:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "i'll let you know" = I need more time to come up with an excuse
←Rate | 03-28-2018 14:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fruit cocktail is the most disappointing of all the cocktails.
←Rate | 04-11-2018 11:16 Comments (3)  


   messageicon Gun sales hit #1 record for a Black Friday sales item.
←Rate | 11-27-2017 04:50 Comments (3)  


   messageicon Gotta listen to the little man inside. The little man knows all. Unless, your little man is an idiot.
←Rate | 12-01-2017 19:03 Comments (1)  


   messageicon You question whether you are getting old when your barber asks if your eyebrows need trimming, and you know it when he does it without asking
←Rate | 12-16-2017 08:14 Comments (0)  


   messageicon English teachers on Facebook must feel the same hopelessness as dentists do when they're at a candy shop
←Rate | 12-09-2017 04:28 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Golf is finally starting to pay off. I just signed a contract with Nike for a large sum of money in return for agreeing never to be seen playing with any of their equipment.
←Rate | 12-04-2017 12:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pro tip: Use Shazam in your Uber to blow your drivers mind with your knowledge of their obscure immigrant music.
←Rate | 11-21-2017 13:09 by AkeelyMac Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's better to be kissed by a fool than be fooled by a kiss
←Rate | 11-19-2017 16:53 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon That sound you hear when you already closed the cupboard & hear something fall -yeah, that’s the sound of someone else’s problem.
←Rate | 12-29-2017 07:57 by Funny Comments (1)  


   messageicon Cashier: Would you like your milk in a bag? Me: No, let's just keep it in the carton, ok?
←Rate | 01-02-2018 19:55 Comments (0)  


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