santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   ____________is so far in the closet he is finding Christmas presents in Narnia.

   My favorite sexual position: The Chilean miner. That's where you go down on me and stay there till Christmas.

   In case I drink too much and pass out for a while, Merry Christmas you guys.

   I returned an online purchase and the form said for your security, please use Fedex, UPS, USPS, DHL or Parcel Post. Exactly what other options do they think I'm considering? Horse? Catapult? Helicopter drop? Santa?

   Dear Santa, what I want for Christmas is... your list with names of bad girls ;)

   The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

   laying beside a dead deer in a santa suit

   In an effort to boost sales, some stores are doing a "Christmas in July" completes with holiday music, decorations and sales. Nothing will put you in a buying/holiday/festive mood like Santa in a speedo.

   if any more of these Mel Gibson tapes get released you'll be able to buy the box set from Time Life by XMas

   What do Edward Cullen and a Christmas tree have in common? Their tiny balls sparkle.

   so far so good.... no unexpected father's day cards or presents!

   Will work for salary and benefits with an annual cost of living increase but not on weekends, statutory holidays, or during 3-week vacation.

   wondering why unemployment didn't find it funny when I sent them a bill for overtime due to excessive hours of job searching on weekends, nights and holidays.

   I was in Walmart the other day and noticed they had some Obama Christmas tree decorations for sale...I guess they figure it's okay to hang a black man from a tree now.......

   After undergoing a sex change operation, a judge in Santa Monica granted Chaz Bono's petition to be recognized legally as a man. He celebrated by leaving the toilet seat up.

   -- My girlfriend pulled up a chair earlier and said..... "We need to talk about our future."..... I said, "Yeah, it's gonna be f***ing mental - we'll have flying cars, shiny silver suits, holidays on the moon!"...Needless to say - I'm now f***ing single !

   I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, sh!t on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me B!tch." I don't own a hamster.

   once my kid learned how to read I had to explain why all his Christmas presents said 'Made in China'

   Only 259 more shopping days till Christmas

   does find it very funny that on the news they have immigrants who want to vote Tory !! just like turkeys voting for christmas ... they might aswell vote BNP !! buy hey , at least they won`t have to pay a higher tax rate !!