santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Dear Santa: This year instead of a gift wish list, I'm sending a list of people I would like to see disappear. Thank you.

   If a real fat man grabs you & throws you in a bag don't panic it's just santa collecting his ho's. I'm updating this in the bag. Bring alcohol!

   *<]:{ > Dear Santa, This year all I want for Christmas is thick hair and a thin body and please don't get it backwards like you did last year [:p

   When I was a child, I remember lying with my eyes closed waiting for Santa to come. ....Then there was the awkward silence as he got dressed and left

   The Christmas package of Wild Turkey now comes with bail money and pants.

   Just went out to my neighbors front yard and wrote "Merry Christmas" in his yard by pissing in the snow

   I bet you were one of those kids that ate the paste while gluing on cotton balls to make Santa's beard.

   Wanna play "Santa"? I let you sit on my lap and tell me what you want. I pretend to listen, call you a ho ho ho, stuff your stocking and you swallow some egg nog.

   "Roses are reddish, Violets are Bluish. If it weren't for Christmas, We'd all be Jewish." ~ Benny Hill

   "Do they know it's christmas time at all?" Yeah they should. They made most of the presents.

   Dear Santa, please let me take a look of your good girls gone bad list.

   Why cant Christmas colors be somthing other than red and green, I run so many redlights driving downtown thinking they are just Christman lights!

   I drove by a house today that had about 15 of those inflatable Christmas lawn decorations. In the daytime it looks like there was a drive by shooting in the North Pole and there were no survivors.

   I don't understand why people buy Christmas trees just to throw them away a month later. Do they think Christmas trees grow on trees?

   I'm dreaming of a 90 degree Christmas

   I just found a Christmas present from last year for the kids....... should have seen their little faces when they opened it...poor little kitty!

   Step 1) Install coal stove. Step 2) Be naughty all year. Step 3) Wait on santa to deliver so I can heat up the house.

   I always try to be unusually kind and compassionate to those around me during the holidays, because I never know who will end up being my Secret Santa.

   So if the Mayans are right, does that mean this is the last Christmas to be visited by the Ghost of Christmas Future?

   Claustrophobia-The fear of Santa Claus