andrew jackson Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Home is where the bag filled with plastic bags filled with plastic bags filled with plastic bags is.
←Rate | 07-24-2016 07:35 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Chips have little nutritional value. That's why you need to eat the whole bag.
←Rate | 08-28-2013 05:35 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Calm down, different flavored Oreos. Nobody wants to make that kind of decision. Regular or Double stuff was hard enough.
←Rate | 10-21-2014 05:35 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just tore the tag off my mattress and there's nothing the feds can do about it. MUAHAHAHAHA!!!
←Rate | 10-01-2013 12:41 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Halloween is my favorite holiday where you can trespass on a stranger's property and make a non-negotiable demand.
←Rate | 10-29-2014 18:27 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon When they named Newfoundland, it's like they just weren't even trying.
←Rate | 07-05-2015 19:24 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't sweat the small stuff. Don't sweat the medium or large stuff either. Stop perspiring on everything. Take your sweaty butt elsewhere.
←Rate | 07-23-2013 15:25 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon My favorite thing to do on Facebook is to get in a long conversation with someone and then delete all my comments to make them look crazy.
←Rate | 03-11-2014 04:30 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon if I could trade places with anyone for a day it would have to be on the day I die. I wouldn't want to be me on that day
←Rate | 09-23-2014 05:33 by andrew jackson Comments (1)  


   messageicon Playing dead on the couch all day in case a bear attacks. That's not lazy, that's proactive.
←Rate | 03-23-2013 05:53 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Attention people that only post inspirational quotes: we know you're nuts.
←Rate | 11-25-2013 05:16 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best part about being a pathological liar is flying my helicopter to my private island.
←Rate | 05-22-2013 06:35 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just overheard someone say they need an "escape goat" for their project & I can't decide if they're a complete idiot or an evil genius.
←Rate | 04-08-2015 05:41 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Contort my hands into gang signs before the rigor mortis sets in so I die legit
←Rate | 06-20-2015 17:21 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you are stalking me, please keep up, I have a lot of errands today.
←Rate | 05-31-2015 07:40 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon The main message women seemed to take away from Cinderella is it's okay to take your shoes off when you go out.
←Rate | 02-13-2014 04:57 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Shocked by the 16% approval rating of congress held by Americans in June 2016. That can't be right. Who are these psychos in the 16 percent?
←Rate | 07-02-2016 07:29 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish I were full of tacos instead of emotions.
←Rate | 07-24-2016 07:38 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish computer companies would design a keyboard with a removable crumb tray, kinda like my toaster
←Rate | 12-11-2013 21:56 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon One day my fridge will take revenge on me by opening my bedroom door every half hour, staring at me for a few minutes and then leave.
←Rate | 05-15-2014 05:18 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  



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