Mom or Mother Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Some of you I'd like to take under my wing like a mother hen. Others of you I'd like to trap between my thighs like the Cougar that I am.
←Rate | 07-26-2012 10:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon "FREEZE! NOBODY MOVE!" - Mother Nature
←Rate | 01-07-2014 18:18 by SColeman Comments (0)  


   messageicon An Amber Alert has been issued for a tall, African American 26 yr. old who goes by the name of LeBron James. He keeps disappearing for the 4th quarter of the NBA Final games. If seen, please call his mother, Gloria, or her boyfriend, Delonte.
←Rate | 06-08-2011 07:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, Six should be enoug
←Rate | 02-02-2010 21:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon In Mother Russia, we don't shoot for the stars, the stars shoot for us
←Rate | 02-16-2013 19:28 by Yaj Comments (0)  


   messageicon ...today's the day we mother's get some relief from the curse OUR mother's handed down when they told us "one day you'll have a kid JUST LIKE YOU!!" Have a great MOM'S DAY everyone!! =D
←Rate | 05-08-2011 00:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When we were kids, my mother wore a mood ring. When she was in a good mood it turned blue. In a bad mood, it left a big red mark on our foreheads.
←Rate | 05-13-2012 08:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My mother always told me to never quit something I'm good at. So here is to her for making me realize that i'm good at being drunk!
←Rate | 03-28-2012 21:02 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon a single father of about 4 million kids swimming around fighting to make it to their mother's egg
←Rate | 06-20-2010 23:01 by Danmanz Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey status messages auto correct, stop tampering with my swear words, you mother forklift.
←Rate | 11-20-2011 23:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon NEWS FLASH: The mother who injected her 8 year old daughter with Botox looses custody... *The child didn't look surprised.
←Rate | 11-12-2013 17:09 by snotty Comments (1)  


   messageicon If I'm old enough to be your mother we can't date. Just kidding. Go ask for your allowance and buy me a drink.
←Rate | 10-25-2012 13:37 by Susan Comments (0)  


   messageicon 2 dyslexics run into a bank and shout "air in the hands mother stickers this is a f*ck up"
←Rate | 08-15-2010 12:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Mother Nature, hey, thanks [sneezes] for choosing POLLEN for plant reproduction....no, really[sneezes]....the stuff is great.....
←Rate | 03-05-2010 22:54 by JG Comments (0)  


   messageicon Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men Eve could have married, and she didn't have to hear about how well Adam’s mother cooked.
←Rate | 01-07-2013 19:00 by Anita Dicken Comments (0)  


   messageicon Happy Mother's Day! Mom's are the REAL MVP.
←Rate | 05-10-2015 11:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just found a scary-looking Pokemon on my living room sofa, but then I realized it was my mother-in-law.
←Rate | 08-04-2016 14:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon there a deadbeat son-in-law of all bombs somewhere complaining about his mother-in-law of all bombs?
←Rate | 04-13-2017 17:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kid, “Did you feel that? Was that an earthquake?” Husband, “No it was just your mother coming down the stairs.” And that, folks, is how to end a marriage in 10 words or less.
←Rate | 04-20-2018 02:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Mother Of All storms (Frankenstorm) is heading toward New York City... Trump better get out the hairspray.
←Rate | 10-28-2012 16:01 by BreannaSmith Comments (1)  




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