andrew jackson Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon FACT: How kids feel about snow days is the exact opposite of how parents feel about snow days.
←Rate | 01-26-2015 07:36 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon if I was rich, I'd do nothing all day from a much nicer couch
←Rate | 01-25-2015 06:03 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon If my attitude towards people was the same as my attitude towards dogs, I'd be a lot more tolerant of jerks if they were good cuddlers.
←Rate | 01-23-2015 12:29 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thank you, true crime show, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn't stop that murder.
←Rate | 01-23-2015 12:22 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s 2015, why don’t we have hover-boards yet?” he typed into a pocket-sized device that can do everything
←Rate | 01-22-2015 05:49 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Does anyone shoop anymore?
←Rate | 01-22-2015 05:42 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon In the 1984 Ratt song Round and Round, the singer belts out the lyrics "What comes around goes around. I'll tell you why." But for the rest of the song, he never DOES tell us why. So... I'm looking for some punitive damages out of this 31 year old false p
←Rate | 01-21-2015 13:01 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Share this if you know someone who is alive today simply because you don't want to go to prison.
←Rate | 01-19-2015 07:52 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon That girl who sells seashells by the seashore is a moron
←Rate | 01-17-2015 20:37 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just my normal Saturday, trimming my bonsai tree and teachin' the new kid in my building some karate
←Rate | 01-17-2015 16:06 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I would like to learn one of those clicking languages from Africa because I get the feeling my knees are trying to tell me something.
←Rate | 01-12-2015 05:47 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon People with the loudest car audio systems usually have the worst taste in music.
←Rate | 01-12-2015 05:44 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I use big words that I don’t fully understand in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.
←Rate | 01-12-2015 05:42 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon My coworkers will stand around confused during a fire drill but the office turns into the Hunger Games when there's lunch brought in for everyone
←Rate | 01-07-2015 05:42 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon "What's a good kind of medicine to take for my health?" "I'm not sure. Hey there's Larry the Cable Guy driving a jet ski onto land. Let's ask him."
←Rate | 01-04-2015 06:44 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon FACT: Somewhere, right this minute, someone is reading this sentence.
←Rate | 01-02-2015 07:00 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon my life is like Jurassic Park but with no dinosaurs, just the part about a fat guy who resents his employer
←Rate | 12-27-2014 07:24 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon my anaconda wants what the heart can't have
←Rate | 12-27-2014 07:21 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon "This is groundbreaking stuff." - Inventor of the shovel
←Rate | 12-27-2014 07:10 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon "You're a tall drink of water." "Take a pitcher, it'll last longer."
←Rate | 12-27-2014 06:56 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  



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