flinnie Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon If you say “Kanye” in the mirror three times, he appears, pushes you over and starts screaming his own name in the mirror.
←Rate | 02-17-2014 05:22 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon When speaking to me please use the words "basically" "actually" and "literally" or basically, I actually will literally not understand you.
←Rate | 02-15-2014 22:14 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Actual quote from a girl I met my 1st day of college: "I would have tested out of English but I had too much other things to do."
←Rate | 02-15-2014 21:43 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just told my dog "Don't walk in your own poop" and it strikes me as good advice to pass on to the rest of you as well. Please: don't.
←Rate | 02-15-2014 05:51 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was growing up, families actually did stuff together. Things are so much better now.
←Rate | 02-14-2014 07:52 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon My hobbies include trying to close the elevator door before someone else gets on.
←Rate | 02-12-2014 04:39 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Men: if your woman makes you sleep on the couch, use the cushions to build an awesome fort and then hang a “no girls allowed” sign
←Rate | 02-12-2014 04:33 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Time heals all wounds. Except sucking chest wounds. You should see a doctor about that.
←Rate | 02-09-2014 08:18 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Suggested Transformers 4 movie poster slogan: Your Suspicions Are Correct, We Hate You and Think You Are Stupid.
←Rate | 02-09-2014 07:43 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bet I could win a gold medal for 'least amount of Olympics watched.' But I'll never know if I do.
←Rate | 02-08-2014 05:33 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I bet a tough part of fielding calls at a poison control center is not finishing most of your sentences with "...you unbelievable moron."
←Rate | 01-29-2014 22:33 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Peyton Manning's forehead is large enough to show an Imax movie.
←Rate | 01-19-2014 16:29 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just how hairy was the dude who invented a shampoo called Head & Shoulders
←Rate | 01-13-2014 05:50 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I blame my farts on the dog so regularly that now every time I let one rip, she slinks away in shame.
←Rate | 01-08-2014 13:02 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If movies have taught me anything it's that all car chases eventually lead through a fruit stand.
←Rate | 01-08-2014 12:43 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I cover up my bathroom noises with high pitched screaming
←Rate | 01-01-2014 08:46 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I went to a pool party in 1998 with the time listed as 5-? on the invitation. I'm still here. Wrap it up guys there's so much I haven't done
←Rate | 01-01-2014 07:58 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon What's a pirate's fave letter of the alphabet? Trick question. They are illiterate savages whose purposes are ill-served by the written word
←Rate | 01-01-2014 07:50 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only toys I was allowed to play with in the tub were the dirty dishes.
←Rate | 12-31-2013 21:23 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's amazing how many people are allergic to gluten, peanuts, and facts.
←Rate | 12-30-2013 06:36 by flinnie Comments (0)  



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