abbybaby34 Funny Status Messages

   I wish the camera would add ten pounds to my bank account

   Dear Facebook: Stop being like my mom and suggesting people for me to be friends with.

   Leaving me a 3 minute voicemail is unnecessary

   Dont smoke...there are cooler ways to die.

   I think when someone asks for advice they're really asking "want to start a debate?"

   There's nothing more exhilarating than playing air guitar in your underwear...

   Happy Discount Chocolate Tuesday!

   would like to remind any unhappy souls today that St Valentine was beaten to death with clubs

   I just got an email asking me if I wanted to "be larger so I could please my lady." Heck no! She's the one who put me on this diet to begin with!

   Today is Valentine's Day. Or, as men like to call it, Extortion day."

   If I worked at a restaurant on Valentine's Day I would put a fake engagement ring in every girl's drink.

   Just to be different, I cry about being single on the 4th of July, and celebrate Valentine's Day with explosives.

   Happy "Romantically Challenged" Day.

   Facebook keeps showing me my ex "people you may know" Yes, FB, "People I wish I didn't know" quit taunting me on Vday!

   What makes the Superbowl half time show better than the Grammys? The Superbowl half-time show was only 1/2 hour.

   Girls gain weight because their brains can't hold all the info so it spreads to other places. Therefore she's not fat, she's a genius.

   When people ask "do you believe in aliens?", I just say "have you seen Lady Gaga?"

   When you find someone who finally understands you, the world will go away.

   If you have kids, your life is kids. If you don't, your life is going out to eat and buying electronics.

   Instead of celebrating Valentine's Day this year, I'm celebrating Discount Chocolate Tuesday.