Mick F Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon My father was right up there with Einstein in the Science department...She taught me all about TIME TRAVEL "If you don't behave, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week."
←Rate | 09-11-2011 05:49 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon I met an old Air Force guy. He said the first time he was gonna jump out of a plane he was scared. He said the Captain told him to jump, or he'd stick his d**k where the "sun don't shine". I go, "Did you jump?" He said, "A little."
←Rate | 09-08-2011 14:08 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon Satan came to me in a dream and asked if I was afraid. I said, "Hell no, I married your sister, didn't I?"
←Rate | 09-07-2011 08:48 by Mick F Comments (1)  


   messageicon Love my new job. It's at a work free drug place.
←Rate | 09-07-2011 06:32 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon I went to a pizzeria yesterday that puts marijuana instead of oregano in their sauce. I ended up eating 30 pizzas.
←Rate | 09-06-2011 10:57 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon How do you make Holy Water? You boil the hell out of it.
←Rate | 09-06-2011 09:39 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon Baskin-Robbins just sent a memo to Rosie O'Donnell-"Thanks to you, we're down to only 5 flavors!"
←Rate | 09-06-2011 07:57 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon Stop using Jesus as an excuse for being a narrow-minded, bigoted a$$hole.
←Rate | 09-06-2011 07:19 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon Someday, I hope to be able to afford an iPhone...like the girl in front of me paying for her groceries with food stamps.
←Rate | 09-05-2011 11:47 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm more confused than an infant in a titty bar.
←Rate | 09-04-2011 11:55 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm more scared than Barack Obama at a Willie Nelson concert.
←Rate | 09-04-2011 06:11 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon All of my old friends pretend to be content upon a shelf. They've all got little lives and little wives and little lies but little else.
←Rate | 09-02-2011 08:03 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girlfriend and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
←Rate | 09-02-2011 07:44 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon Soft rock music isn't rock, and it ain't music. It's just soft.
←Rate | 09-01-2011 11:27 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon I keep telling my friends, "Stop being so sexist....don't you know broads hate that?"
←Rate | 08-31-2011 20:00 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not rude...I just wasn't taught to politely pretend to be nice to people I can't stand.
←Rate | 08-30-2011 08:08 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon If more people...instead of stirring the pot, would smoke it...the world would be a happier place.
←Rate | 08-28-2011 09:20 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon I Rock, Therefore I Am. I'm Stoned, Therefore I Have the Munchies.
←Rate | 08-27-2011 10:13 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon Guys...Wanna feel appreciated by your woman? Tighten all the the jar and bottle lids in the house, then leave for a day or two.
←Rate | 08-25-2011 05:20 by Mick F Comments (1)  


   messageicon The DC Earthquake was caused by direct reverberations from the opposite side of the Earth. It's from China jumping up and down in anger when they realized they're not gonna get their money back.
←Rate | 08-23-2011 19:08 by Mick F Comments (0)  




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