MTQ Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Someday we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.
←Rate | 09-02-2011 00:45 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hallmark Card: "I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're still here."
←Rate | 09-01-2011 10:58 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.
←Rate | 08-31-2011 23:38 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ever wonder why some people wait 'til they're in their cars and stopped at traffic lights to pick their noses?
←Rate | 08-31-2011 10:08 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon When a thief kisses you, count your teeth.
←Rate | 08-30-2011 07:55 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon I walk into the 7/11, and the female clerk says, "You look JUST like my fourth husband!" I said, "Really...you've been married four times?' She goes, "No. Three."
←Rate | 08-29-2011 05:02 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon One of my first jobs job was at an orange juice factory, but I got canned. I couldn't concentrate.
←Rate | 08-28-2011 10:24 by MTQ Comments (1)  


   messageicon I remember something traumatic from when I was two days old. The Doctor performing my circumcision looked at me, with knife in hand and said, "It won't be long now!"
←Rate | 08-27-2011 13:25 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon Was driving a van full of women to a Jimmy Buffett concert. Saw a sign that read 25 MPH. I thought to myself, "Twenty five Menopausal Parrot Heads is right.
←Rate | 08-27-2011 13:20 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon Camping. Camping? Listen up Mr. and Mrs.Field and Stream...My idea of roughing it is a Motel 6 with no cable.
←Rate | 08-27-2011 11:54 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm a walking Economy. My hairline is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and the combination of the two is putting me into a deep depression!
←Rate | 08-26-2011 14:01 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon THIS JUST IN: CHILD ACTOR BUCKWHEAT HAS CONVERTED HIS RELIGION TO ISLAM. HE WILL NOW GO BY THE NAME, "KAREEM OF WHEAT''. FILM AT ELEVEN.
←Rate | 08-26-2011 09:20 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon I go to a Weight Watchers meeting. I dump out a carton of Whoppers malted Milk Balls on the floor. The next thing you know, I'm watching a live version of the Hungry Hungry Hippos game.
←Rate | 08-25-2011 07:30 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why does this thing tell you that you have 24 letters left, then when you post it's incomplete? e
←Rate | 08-23-2011 07:35 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon Florida: Those computerized hurricane forecast models are ridiculous. You could give a 4 year old a map and a crayon, and they'd come up with something almost as inaccurate.
←Rate | 08-23-2011 07:02 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like my women like I like my cheese. White American singles.
←Rate | 08-21-2011 11:10 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon Damn deceptive thumbnail pics. You think you're seeing some hot little sweetie, then you click on it to enlarge the thing, and it's a cake!
←Rate | 08-21-2011 08:19 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon I saw an ad on TV that settles the age old query..."What started the universe, God or The Big Bang?" I come to find out in a 30 second commercial that the Solar System is powered by a Jimmy Dean Sausage Biscuit.
←Rate | 08-20-2011 17:23 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't you know it's rude to talk while I'm interrupting?
←Rate | 08-20-2011 07:39 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love it when a fat person says, "That's the way I roll."
←Rate | 08-18-2011 20:40 by MTQ Comments (0)  




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