Jake Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Can of Crisco $3.95 Body pillow $12.95 Box of condoms $9.95 Look on cashier's face...... Priceless.
←Rate | 06-02-2018 17:00 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon How are condoms and cameras a like? They both capture that magical moment.
←Rate | 06-02-2018 16:31 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon They say if the palm of your hand itches, you're going to get something. And if your crouch itches, you've already got it.
←Rate | 06-01-2018 18:02 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Went to a trendy night club. Doorman: "Sorry you can't come in you've had to many." Me: "I haven't been drinking." Doorman: "No not to many drinks........ To many Birthdays."
←Rate | 06-01-2018 15:44 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon . There's a book on The Cures for aches and pains by Dr. Artur Ritis
←Rate | 05-29-2018 20:27 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon Dear hefty girl Walmart shopper. It may feel like summer, but your shirt and shorts are way to small. You look like a half open can of biscuits.
←Rate | 05-29-2018 18:30 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon I like to stop the microwave with one second to go. It makes me feel like a bomb defusal expert.
←Rate | 05-28-2018 23:11 by Jake Comments (2)  


   messageicon I pick up a copy of the new book The Long Walk Home by Miss. D. Bus.
←Rate | 05-26-2018 17:55 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know you must be unappealing when a nymphomaniac just wants to be friends.
←Rate | 05-26-2018 14:56 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I watch football holding an X-Box controller just to confuse people.
←Rate | 05-26-2018 14:32 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon My inflatable girlfriend takes my breath away.
←Rate | 05-26-2018 14:28 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dentist: I'm going to give you some helium gas. Me: Will that stop me from feeling any pain? Dentist: No...... But when you screem, it will be hilarious.
←Rate | 05-26-2018 14:26 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I spent alot of time trying to get all of my eldest relatives together in one room with no luck............. Then BINGO
←Rate | 05-25-2018 22:23 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Where do babies like to go for lunch....... Hooters
←Rate | 05-25-2018 20:34 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's been 10 years since I was in school. But every day the school bully still takes my lunch money........ He works at Mc. Donalds.
←Rate | 05-25-2018 15:43 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon What type of car does an electrician drive........ A Volts-wagon.
←Rate | 05-25-2018 04:21 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon . When Chewbacca needs to go does he use a toilet, or dose Han Solo take him for a walk?
←Rate | 05-25-2018 02:42 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Starcents, it's like Starbucks only cheaper.
←Rate | 05-24-2018 03:24 by Jake Comments (2)  


   messageicon Cruelty is people with back pain having to bend over at the pharmacy to get a tube of Bengay from the bottom shelf.
←Rate | 05-22-2018 15:33 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon What is a person who goes off their diet called? A deserter
←Rate | 05-19-2018 15:05 by Jake Comments (1)  


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