andrew jackson Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Testing shows that people in the USA know less about geography than England, Japan and like 100 other countries I've never heard of.
←Rate | 01-15-2014 05:27 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just saw a guy wearing uggs get arrested. Not sure what for, but I'm hoping it was because he was wearing uggs
←Rate | 01-16-2014 01:25 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Obama said he wouldn't let his son play football bc he fears it would cause dementia. Someone should tell Obama that he doesn't have a son.
←Rate | 01-19-2014 16:28 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate cyclists. You're driving along enjoying life then BAM! you're stuck driving 10mph behind some jerk with way nicer calves than you
←Rate | 01-20-2014 06:21 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Did you hear that? Busta Rhymes is the best corner in the game. Don't you dare put him up against Crabtree.
←Rate | 01-20-2014 06:33 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you think the Harbaugh or Manning brothers are competitive, wait until you meet two friends of mine, named Niles and Frasier Crane.
←Rate | 01-20-2014 06:42 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Careful, there's dog poop on the dance floor." - how ballet was invented.
←Rate | 01-21-2014 05:22 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Stuck in a meeting? Just start yelling Omaha! Then grab your papers and run out of there.
←Rate | 01-21-2014 10:56 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think it's important to have a fitness plan you can actually stick to, which is precisely why mine is to become shipwrecked.
←Rate | 01-21-2014 10:58 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Another rapper was arrested with Justin Bieber. In related news, rappers are getting way less cool
←Rate | 01-25-2014 08:00 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every teenage girls super power is that they "literally die" every day and live to tweet about it.
←Rate | 01-26-2014 14:22 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon All any of us really want is someone to be a Chunk to our Sloth.
←Rate | 01-27-2014 05:48 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon I stared into the abyss and the abyss was like, "Uh my eyes are up here!"
←Rate | 01-29-2014 22:35 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon "This was the best football game I've ever seen!" -Guy who's never seen a football game.
←Rate | 02-02-2014 22:50 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sorry I broke into your house, dressed your cat like Angela Lansbury, and filmed my "Meowder She Wrote" pilot.
←Rate | 02-08-2014 05:27 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon When a financial adviser asks me my goals I'm embarrassed to admit that it's to ride a snowmobile on the moon
←Rate | 02-09-2014 07:39 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon well I've already broken my New Year's resolution, which was to be the ruthless dictator of Belgium.
←Rate | 02-09-2014 07:49 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every 3-year-old have two speeds: YOU CAN’T MAKE ME and FACE PLANT.
←Rate | 02-12-2014 04:19 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you log into Australian Instagram you can see the bottom half of your sunset photos.
←Rate | 02-12-2014 04:44 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon No thanks CVS, I don’t need a bag. I’ll just wrap up my purchase in the 12 foot receipt you just gave me.
←Rate | 02-12-2014 04:49 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  



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