ff1241 Funny Status Messages

   Women + yoga pants = WIN!

   Ever been so tired at work that people thought you were drunk? I hope so because thats the only excuse I have for being drunk at work.

   Being dyslexic and online dating can be a big problem. My last date I thought it said nympho maniac. Turns out she was a necro'philic.

   Head banging to rock music doesn't have the same effect when your bald. Ask me how I know this.

   Only dead fish go with the flow.

   I need a bigger grill. And I'm not talking about the gold bubba teeth.

   A camp fire is alot like masterbation. As long as you have wood you can keep yourself entertained. But when its gone the fun is over.

   Getting into an argument with a stupid people is something you will never win at even when you do. Like tic-tac-toe or global thermonuclear war.

   I'm glad people have the confidence to wear revealing clothing but sometimes your confidence is NOT very pleasant to look at.

   If its Friday night and she lifts up her skirt and her panties say Saturday. She is staying the night.

   Women want to be equal to men in every aspect except dating. You all want the same positions in the rest of the world but still expect to be wined and dined. How about steaks and bjs for the guys.

   Its almost Barf day. That day you get one more year older want want to barf but can't so you induce yourself with booz until you do.

   I believe in evolution by natural selection. But I have one big problem with it. Its not fast enough and there are too many safeguards in place not to let nature do its thing.

   You know that you work too much when you count hours off and not days off.

   I'm really looking forward to the hurricane coverage to see which news reporter falls flat on their face from the wind...Ahhh, watching them fall never gets old!

   Im worried, about that one cute sweet innocent girl who keeps liking my fb post.

   Today is one of the few days of the year I can pretend to be a Kardashian (do nothing and get paid for it).

   I have a blind date and I keep having people tell me to just be myself. Are you kidding me? Have you read my FB post?

   I'm not much of a Target person...just seems hypocritical that you can't buy guns, ammo or....targets at a place called Target!!

   Heritage For The Blind wants me to donate my old car to them. FUNK THAT! We have enought people that can't drive that can see why the hell would I want a blind person driving.