Jake Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon 3 stages of marriage. 1.engagement ring. 2. wedding ring. 3. suffer ring.
←Rate | 01-30-2018 12:04 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon A lot of woman turn into good drivers. So if you're a good driver, beware of women drivers when their making a turn.
←Rate | 02-05-2018 23:35 by Jake Comments (2)  


   messageicon I injured my privets in a surfing accident. I slam my laptop closed when my wife walked into the room.
←Rate | 02-05-2018 23:52 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wife ask where I'd like to be buried. Ball deep in your sister wasn't the answer she was expecting.
←Rate | 02-06-2018 00:25 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon A medical survey says that masturbating twice a week can increase your life expectancy. If true, I'm going to live forever.
←Rate | 02-06-2018 01:16 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon After trying it doggie style I can't face my wife again.
←Rate | 02-09-2018 21:03 by Jake Comments (2)  


   messageicon Went to an amature talent show and saw a topless ventriloquist. I didn't see her lips move once.
←Rate | 02-09-2018 21:07 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon My dog is not a good guard dog, so I replaced him. I really feel stupid barking at the postman.
←Rate | 02-10-2018 17:23 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon Two girls talking. 1st girl: I've been ask lots of times to get married. 2nd girl: Was it by the same guy? 1st girl: No, by my mother.
←Rate | 02-10-2018 17:29 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon If dentist make money from people with bad teeth. Why should we use a toothpaste that 4 out of 5 of them reconmend?
←Rate | 02-13-2018 16:18 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I see lover's names craved into a tree. I don't think it's cute. I just think it strange how many people take knives on a date.
←Rate | 02-14-2018 19:20 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon For the past 20 years I've got a valentine card from a secret admirer. And was sad when I didn't get one this year. Frist my meemaw dies, now this.
←Rate | 02-14-2018 19:29 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon The government and a duck have something in common. They both can stick their bills up their (_|_) :)
←Rate | 02-16-2018 18:08 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon After a night of passion, I told my new girlfriend that she was the frist one I've ever been with. She smiled and said really? I said yea, the other's were sevens and eights. :)
←Rate | 02-16-2018 19:35 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Being a human cannibal is the only job where you can be fired evey day and still keep your job :)
←Rate | 02-16-2018 20:54 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon The smog is so bad in my city that in the mornig the birds wake me by coughing in stead chirping.
←Rate | 02-16-2018 22:31 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon If April showers bring may flowers. What does mayflowers bring? Pilgrims
←Rate | 02-21-2018 01:38 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm getting so old, I need to take a nap so I'll have the energy to go to bed. :)
←Rate | 02-22-2018 02:08 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have a real life autocorrect, my wife. :-)
←Rate | 02-22-2018 02:28 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon What do you call a lawyer who doesn't chase ambulances? Retired.
←Rate | 02-22-2018 22:19 by Jake Comments (0)  


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