Abraham Lincoln Funny Status Messages

   Archie Buinker & George Jefferson together again......in a much better place!!!

   ''Please punch in your account number, phone number,and the last four digits of your social security, so I can transfer you so they can ask you for those same numbers again!''

   A North Korean man announce yesterday that his Dog gave birth to a 1/2 Dog 1/2 Cat offspring! Also referred to in Korea as the #2 ''Combo''!!!

   Never in my life have I ever seen someone so excited to take a sh!t!----Those Bears in the Charmin commercial

   Women sex toys cost money for Batteries! Men's sex toys cost money for rent, clothes, groceries.......

   You don't have to be Crazy to be my friend!........But it sure helps!

   it poontang or puddingtang?.....I need to know real fast this English Composition is due today!!!

   The view of your Bedroom is perfect from this tree!

   Chick-fil-a announced today they have a new policy concerning patrons! ....Men will no longer be able to share their ''Nuggets!''

   Let me know when you're off your Man-Period!!!

   At a Hotal a Man accidentally bumps into a Woman beside him and as he does his elbow touches her Brea$t. The man says ''Ma'am if your heart is as soft as your brea$t I know you'll forgive me!'' Her ''If your Pen!$ is as hard as your elbow I'm in room 436

   The way Police check to see if you're wearing your seat belt they should do to make sure ''Certain'' people are wearing Condoms!!!

   I decided to leave the paperboy a tip! I left some at the end of the driveway, in the bushes,by the sprinkler, everywhere but my at my front door!!!

   Oh I'm sorry, I forgot I only exist when you need something!

   Bad Gun! Bad Gun!....Shame on you for making criminals do those bad things!.......And then those Forks that are making me Fat!!!

   One Day I hope I can afford an iphone like that girl in line infront of me with the food stamps!!!

   I am glad McDonalds doesn't sell hotdogs! I would hate to order a McWeiner!...And don't even get me started on Super Size!!!

   What if when we die the light we see at the end of the tunnel is just us being pushed out of another V@gina!!!

   Sex is like Math, You subtract the clothes, Add a Bed, Divide the legs, and hope you don't Multiply!!!

   Why a Beer is better than a woman! 1.A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another! 2. Pour your beer right and you always get good head! 3. You always know when youre the first to pop a beer! 4.You can have several beers in a night and not feel guilty