father OR dad Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Whenever a couple tells me that their baby was born premature, I glare accusingly at the father.
←Rate | 10-23-2011 12:56 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Bless me father for I have sinned, my last confession was over 3 years- oh damn the roof is caving in HELLLPPPPP!"
←Rate | 11-03-2011 17:35 by Omen Comments (0)  

   messageicon Conrad Murray is guilty?!? In other surprising news, Kim Kardashian is getting divorced, Casey Anthony killed her daughter and Justin Beiber will never be anyones father because he is, in fact, a girl...
←Rate | 11-07-2011 16:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I had my family tree done… turns out I'm a quarter gay on my father's side.
←Rate | 11-08-2011 17:52 by NJS Comments (0)  

   messageicon Father Jim inspired me to confess with a lighter attitude. From now on, it's "Bless me, Father, these sins are gonna crack you up!"
←Rate | 11-10-2011 09:36 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  

   messageicon Even though he was voiced by James Earl Jones, Darth Vader definitely wasn't black because he never would have admitted he was Luke's father.
←Rate | 11-19-2011 22:05 by Nunthewizr Comments (0)  

   messageicon if Darth Vader was really black would he have admitted to being Luke's father?
←Rate | 11-21-2011 23:17 by Eddy Comments (0)  

   messageicon The Secret life of the American teenager is less realistic than star wars. No father and daughter talk about sex that casually. "Hey amy, are you going to have sex with Ricky tonight?" "Well we're both emotionally & physically ready, so yeah." "okay, cool
←Rate | 12-04-2011 00:37 by g0re Comments (0)  

   messageicon running around the house with a wrapping paper tube saying “Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”
←Rate | 12-26-2011 04:04 by @gnarleycharley Comments (0)  

   messageicon Every time a white guy sags his pants, somewhere in the world, a black baby grows up with a father.
←Rate | 12-27-2011 06:44 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I know I'll be a good father. I've had my iPhone for over 6 months now and I've only dropped it 182 times so far.
←Rate | 01-27-2012 22:19 Comments (0)  

   messageicon THE ARTISTS may have the most Academy Awards Nominations, but at my house I have been nominated for BEST FATHER and BEST HUSBAND not forgetting BEST MASTER by my dog.
←Rate | 01-28-2012 12:37 Comments (0)  

   messageicon My father was a professional wrestler. He hit us but did not hit us!!
←Rate | 02-05-2012 01:18 by eaglet1122 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Never knew if my father would hit us or the bottle!
←Rate | 02-05-2012 01:22 by eaglet1122 Comments (0)  

   messageicon People joke about Bieber Fever. Don't. Sigourney Weaver Fever killed my father.
←Rate | 02-12-2012 13:11 Comments (0)  

   messageicon You don't have a valentine on valentines day? Some people don't have a mother on mother's day or a father on father's day so shut up
←Rate | 02-14-2012 22:59 by @specialed40 Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just want to play cards with a priest so I can say... Forgive me father for I have ginned
←Rate | 02-16-2012 01:58 by @ryaninco Comments (0)  

   messageicon my father called me an asswipe, I said the wipe didnt fall far from the ass
←Rate | 02-18-2012 21:02 Comments (0)  

   messageicon forgot to put the seat belt on my 8-year-old boy this morning. "You are an irresponsible father!" Someone shouted "Who said that? I shouted. "Stop the car, son."
←Rate | 02-19-2012 10:35 Comments (0)  

   messageicon Snooki's pregnant...? Finding the father is gonna be harder than finding Waldo, but I bet Waldo fuck$d her too anyway.
←Rate | 03-02-2012 21:32 by BEGO Comments (0)  

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