flinnie Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon if you're the type of neighbor that likes to scream and yell till 3am, then I'll be the type of neighbor to mow at 6am!
←Rate | 07-02-2011 08:14 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Well, I guess these tequila shots aren't going to regret themselves
←Rate | 08-24-2011 15:56 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon As far as I can tell, the only thing ghosts do is set up obstacle courses when I have to get up in the middle of the night to pee
←Rate | 07-07-2012 10:33 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon People who try to get on camera in live news report backgrounds clearly haven't been punched enough in their lifetime.
←Rate | 12-20-2011 06:35 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey Amish person reading this: Busted!
←Rate | 10-11-2011 10:21 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The generation of today are so allergic to everything, future wars will be fought by throwing bags of peanuts and cat hair at each other.
←Rate | 05-31-2013 06:14 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Constantly losing socks in the laundry but finding change. So logically there has to be a sock fairy.
←Rate | 08-12-2013 08:09 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember, an easily stolen ADT security sign placed on your lawn is the first line of defense against crime.
←Rate | 02-08-2012 08:47 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Next time a telemarketer calls, hit 'em with an "I love you" right off the bat. Just keep saying it, no matter what they say
←Rate | 02-22-2012 18:42 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I wonder if I could get away with murder, but then I remember I can’t even eat pancakes without getting syrup all over me.
←Rate | 06-20-2015 16:59 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm still waiting for my chance to shout "UNHAND me you fools!!" as security escorts me off the premises.
←Rate | 09-11-2011 06:01 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Judging by how many people brazenly wander into traffic while staring at their phone, there must be some force-field app I don't know about.
←Rate | 12-17-2012 06:31 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just can't stop thinking of all the people who signed my yearbooks that I have let down by failing to "stay cool"
←Rate | 04-16-2013 06:22 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Admit it, we all feel much worse for the homeless guy's dog than we do for the homeless guy
←Rate | 09-02-2011 04:21 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.
←Rate | 02-26-2012 07:33 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon "What did he say?" "Who is she?" "What just happened?" (Repeat 30 times and you just watched a movie with my mom)
←Rate | 01-13-2012 06:08 by flinnie Comments (1)  


   messageicon I just read something so funny it made me spit coffee out my nose, which is odd because I wasn't drinking coffee at the time.
←Rate | 05-25-2010 10:20 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're out somewhere and can't find your wife or girlfriend and you're ready to go, start talking to the hottest chick there. She'll find you immediately
←Rate | 10-14-2011 05:56 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon 6 of those Extreme Coupon people could fix the entire US Budget.
←Rate | 04-10-2012 08:58 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just once when they interview a serial killer's neighbor I'd like to hear them say "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me, I told people for years he was gonna do this"
←Rate | 11-04-2011 09:21 by flinnie Comments (0)  



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