eengrms Funny Status Messages

   Looking at how successful all the Kardashian women are, I don't blame Bruce Jenner at all...

   It's too bad North Korea couldn't have gotten the new Night at the Museum movie canceled instead...

   I'll bet when Godzilla first came out, God was like "Damn, that name's way cooler..."

   I think one of the greatest regrets I'm going to have later on in life is that I've never participated in a Harlem Shake video...

   there a Nobel prize for being extremely mediocre because I would like to nominate myself...

   The American dream I’m chasing is where the entire pizza is just a spiral of stuffed crust...

   My 2yo is super bossy. He is telling everyone what to do. Oh I gotta go he said I have to get off the computer...

   If Hell does exist, there are so many brilliant scientists in there it is probably air-conditioned by now...

   Tropical storm Bill sucked so bad they've officially renamed it Tropical Storm Monica...

   Men are problem solvers, women are problem creators...

   At least now I know the real reason why I've never been asked to play on a professional volleyball team...

   Trump should really try harder to get his message out to the younger generations, especially since one of them will eventually be his fourth wife...

   I know I should be sad and worried about Trump but I confess I am surprised and delighted in this country's capacity to keep a joke going...

   This time can Ben Affleck stay behind instead so we can find a suitable Batman?

   Just saw a guy sitting with a Blackberry and a newspaper. I think he was waiting for a horse...

   If you take all the veins out of a person and lay them end to end that person will die...