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X First rule of Alzheimer's club:
X I wish I was a gloworm,,, a gloworm's never glum,,, cos how can you be grumpy when the sun shines out your bum
X I don't have a pet,, so I adopted this spider, but the stupid thing won't even chase the laser pen,,, It's got 8 eyes so I *know* he sees it.
X says Facebook feels a lot like Group Therapy...only everyone is talking at once and no one wants to be cured
X Lord Almighty, Adele...REALLY ?,, Just burn his house down & get on with your life already.
X I feel a little better when I remember that Lady Gaga is just as scared of us, as we are of it.
X My bucket list is still half Original Recipe,,, and half Extra Crispy.
X There are 2 kinds of people in this world: those that recognize how diverse people are, and those that think there are only 2 kinds of people
X I someitmes wonder what magical things would've been created had we all put our creativity towards something other than making the internet laugh
X King Arthur: "What size and shape should we make the table?"................Sir Mix-a-lot: " I LIKE 'EM ROUND...AND BIG!"
X says A fortnight is equal to 14 nights. Unless you live in a fort,, it is equal to one night.. Fort math is only complicated to non-fort dwellers.
X There's a piece of aluminum foil blowing across the road, and all I can think,, is that one of you,, is without your protective headgear today.
X OH MY LORD!! I almost sat down on the toilet without my droid...
X These tornadoes are awful...I blame the violence in tornado themed video games
X The plain cake donut is always the last one picked.... Come with me poor little plain cake donut,, you can be on my team.
X Wait,, there's a "pro-anorexia" community? That's a thing?.. Oh,, I bet they have the worst luncheons ever.
X Sometimes I worry my posts are too cerebrle... cerabrall... cerrebrel...
X Ahem,,,,, Now As a recovering kleptomaniac,,,, I know how to take a joke.
X 10 years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope and Johnny Cash.. Now we have like 50 million dumb guys still posting a bad joke over and over
X Dyslexics better do it.