Funny Status Messages Search

X I heard that the world is going to end in 2012, because that's only as far as the Mayan calendar goes. But the news gets even worse: I checked MY calendar, and it only goes to the end of this year!"

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-03-2011 18:41 by Dylan Bosch Comments (0)

X is Someone quoted me incorrectly on Twitter again. I *HATE* it when I get mistweeted.

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-03-2011 18:48 by Dylan Bosch Comments (0)

X watched that new gay television soap series called, 'Leave it, it's Beaver!'

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-03-2011 21:03 by Dylan Bosch Comments (0)

X is If you die in a manner that leaves your body unrecognizable they identify you by your dental records; if they don't know who you are, how in the world would they know who your dentist is?"

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-04-2011 11:18 by Dylan Bosch Comments (0)

X is I have a recurring, hour-long meeting set on my work calendar for 4pm on Fridays. There's no actual meeting, but I'll be damned if I let someone schedule a real one at that time."

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-04-2011 11:20 by Dylan Bosch Comments (0)

X is Men are terrified of women. Don't believe me? Go use one of those decorative towels in the bathroom. I dare ya."

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-04-2011 11:21 by Dylan Bosch Comments (0)

X is The true test of inner strength is finding both stalls occupied."

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-04-2011 11:23 by Dylan Bosch Comments (0)

X is All I ask is a chance to prove money can't make me happy!"

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-04-2011 11:25 by Dylan Bosch Comments (0)

X is Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs."

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-04-2011 11:29 by Dylan Bosch Comments (0)

X is My road rage doubles in winter. Not only does everyone drive like they're 100 years old, but I get even more enraged when I flip someone off and realize I'm wearing mittens. Now I'm pissed and embarassed."

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-04-2011 11:32 by Dylan Bosch Comments (0)

X is If ghosts can walk through walls and glide down stairs, why don't they fall through the floor?"

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-04-2011 23:23 by Dylan Bosch Comments (0)

X is Sometimes I smile in the middle of telling a story, not because I'm fondly remembering something, but because I'm impressed with the BS I am creating on the spot."

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-04-2011 23:27 by Dylan Bosch Comments (0)

X is This time of year every store is advertising as "your one stop shop!" Really? I'm in college, I'm pretty sure that's the liquor store.

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-04-2011 23:33 by Dylan Bosch Comments (0)

X is When moving walkways in airports warn me to watch my step because, "The walkway is coming to a end", my first thought is "I'm moving 2 mph, that is ridiculous." Then when I get to the end all I can think is "Oh crap, I better not mess this up."

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-04-2011 23:36 by Dylan Bosch Comments (0)

X is Women don't want to hear what you think...Women want to hear what they think- in a deeper voice."

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-04-2011 23:52 by Dylan Bosch Comments (0)

X Nice guys finish last... because they make sure their women come first ;)

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-05-2011 00:05 by Dylan Bosch Comments (0)

X thinks I've found the cure for stupidity... a shock collar. And if it doesn't cure them, at least you got a good laugh watching them twitch."

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-05-2011 10:45 by Dylan Bosch Comments (0)

X is PMS: stands for either "Pass My Shotgun" or "Potential Murder Suspect". Take your pick.

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-05-2011 10:50 by Dylan Bosch Comments (0)

X is If you didn't hear it with your OWN ears or see it with your OWN eyes, don't go passing it on with your OWN mouth!"

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-05-2011 10:52 by Dylan Bosch Comments (0)

X is do you think that butterflies get tattoo's of women's butts?"

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-05-2011 11:05 by Dylan Bosch Comments (0)