Baddie Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Christmas Gift idea: Take her to the Planetarium so she can see the world doesn't revolve around her.
←Rate | 12-18-2014 23:48 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon My online dating profile is just a picture of my ex-wife and the words "NOT THIS."
←Rate | 10-11-2014 13:24 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon May the shooter's 72 virgins be all males.
←Rate | 06-12-2016 11:00 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dropped my cheeseburger in the dirt before I ate it. That's about as organic you're gonna get out of me.
←Rate | 07-01-2014 01:03 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon My plan is simple. Drink Vodka until I start speaking Russian.
←Rate | 11-01-2012 13:50 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The most important thing I look for from a potential employer is a bathroom with a good network connection.
←Rate | 06-22-2012 15:57 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Girls are too sensitive. She said she was having twins and I said, "At least you'll finally have 2 kids by the same father."
←Rate | 08-30-2013 08:58 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's racial profiling when a waiter in a Chinese restaurant gives me a fork.
←Rate | 06-24-2014 01:08 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sorry I can't go out tonight, I can't find anyone to cover my Facebook shift.
←Rate | 08-08-2014 01:18 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Black Eyed Peas are just regular peas that got on an elevator with Ray Rice.
←Rate | 09-17-2014 13:44 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Instead of donating my body to science, I'll donate it to whoever has the best idea for a practical joke involving a dead body.
←Rate | 11-07-2014 00:33 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I've learned anything from movies, it's that most murder cases are only solved after a detective is suspended but ignores the suspension.
←Rate | 08-04-2014 14:53 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon A black guy called me a disgrace in front of his girlfriend, but then I realized he was introducing me to his girlfriend Grace.
←Rate | 03-12-2013 11:24 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon My neighbor swears he was anally probed by an alien. Anyone want a slightly used alien costume?
←Rate | 10-09-2012 14:49 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Okay guys thats enough. Let's all agree to stop drawing on Lil Wayne while he's passed out drunk.
←Rate | 06-21-2012 15:58 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I thought Match .com was a place to arrange fights to the death, but turns out it's a website to find love. So I was close.
←Rate | 09-30-2014 13:23 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon BET AWARDS MAYHEM - this happens every time these people get together. No, I don't mean b lack people, I mean silly rap ''artists''.
←Rate | 09-30-2012 00:20 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not to brag, but when it comes to "going nowhere fast," I'm breaking every speed record known to man.
←Rate | 07-10-2012 13:35 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon In my defense, your honor, he had the keyboard clicking sound on his phone turned on.
←Rate | 11-18-2013 12:50 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon That woman's husband on the cover of TIME looks awfully young.
←Rate | 05-13-2012 09:12 by Baddie Comments (0)  




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