Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Mom: Some scary old lady keeps FaceTiming me. Me: Mom, turn your camera around and she’ll go away.
←Rate | 06-27-2018 13:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just bought a new picture frame to hang a photo in my wall that came with a stock photo of a really beutiful family that reminds me of a lot of my facebook friends, who I dont know either.
←Rate | 07-31-2018 15:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I sometimes check my blocklist to see how my prisoners are doing😁
←Rate | 08-07-2018 13:51 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Breaking News: North Korea missile test delayed due to problems with Windows 3.1x
←Rate | 08-12-2017 07:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just remember son -- when you text a girl, you are also texting at least 5 of her friends.
←Rate | 09-02-2017 23:44 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon Worse thing about flirting with disaster is when disaster turns away and says, "Ew."
←Rate | 09-28-2017 20:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ambition is the path to success. Persistence is the vehicle you arrive in...
←Rate | 10-12-2017 09:22 by XX-FOXY Comments (0)  


   messageicon I always ask if I can pay in bitcoins now, not because I have any but because I want to be cool
←Rate | 02-07-2018 11:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The amount of time my smartphone spends plugged in charging, you might as well want to call it a Land-line
←Rate | 02-08-2018 03:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon All those Olympic curlers are headed back home now, where the wife is standing by the door with a mop and a broom saying "no more excuses"
←Rate | 02-26-2018 14:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I could go back in time I would put cheese on a lot more things.
←Rate | 04-09-2018 02:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon One of the great things about having kids is that you can check your pulse using the veins on the side of your head
←Rate | 04-10-2018 15:21 by markf Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sure your baby's cute but have you ever seen a chihuahua with the hiccups?
←Rate | 04-16-2018 02:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you think men are the stronger sex, watch a man react when the girlfriend says "what did you just say to me?"
←Rate | 04-17-2018 12:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ever noticed that when you are broke, you have common sense.
←Rate | 04-21-2018 22:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It’s hard to keep loving someone who constantly calls the cops and keeps changing her number but here I am.
←Rate | 05-06-2018 01:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon hard liquor because I don't don't have time or patience to sit around drinking 9 bottles of wine every day
←Rate | 05-16-2018 23:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Russia has been accused of using Facebook to win an election. That's probably the most productive thing ever done on Facebook.
←Rate | 05-19-2018 08:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know you've reached adulthood when your bed is in the middle of the wall instead of in the corner.
←Rate | 05-19-2018 08:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You never really know a woman, until she takes you to court.
←Rate | 05-26-2018 08:53 Comments (0)  


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