love Funny Status Messages

   My wife always accuses me of having a favourite child. It's not true, I love Matthew and Not-Matthew equally.

   Love hot yoga because it's over 100 degrees with someone yelling at you. It's like growing up Italian in Florida.

   I show my coffeemaker the same love and affection you show your soul mate. And mine doesn't talk back.

   Does anyone know the name of that Jennifer Aniston movie? You know. The one where she plays a quirky girl who untimately finds love in the end?

   My favorite way to ruin a romantic evening is by coming out of the bathroom naked and singing Love Boat until the waiter asks us to leave.

   Who needs a brain when you fall deeply in love?

   Gotta love those girls in department stores wearing lab coats--taking time away from their experiments to help women out with their makeup.

   It's snowing! And I think I'll go outside now for 30 seconds to take a selfie so all my Facebook friends can see how much I love the snow.

   Ever wake up, look in the mirror, and wonder why Courtney Love is in your bathroom?

   If you love something set it free because you’re intolerable and love is a prison

   Me: Magic 8-Ball, will I ever find true love? Cantaloupe: Maybe if you lay off the drugs.

   Yo Bi%ch, you hate your parents so much that you have to post it on Facebook. Orphans cry hearts out to have such loving and caring parents. Love your Parents.

   Don't you love when you put a load in the dishwasher and it swallows?

   Whitney Houston may always love you but I will not! Not after you slept with my sister

   Dear gas prices, I love it when you go down on me. Sincerely, pretty please?

   A short list of things I seem unable to care about: vampires, shows about vampires, actors who play vampires, love lives of vampire actors.

   Love your neighbor, but don't get caught...

   Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably and never regret anything that made you smile

   I love the Macys Thanksgiving day parade. Where you can watch your favorite stars lipsync to their hit songs!

   At 3 years we say, ''Mommy I love you." At 10 years we say, ''Mom, whatever." 16 years we say, "My mom is so annoying!" At 18 years we say, "I'm leaving this house." At 25 years we say ''Mom, you were right''. At 30 years we say "'I want to go to Mom's ho