santa AND presents AND christmas AND xmas AND holidays AND elfs Funny Status Messages

   Be honest....has ANYONE ever eaten the Fruit Cake they got for Christmas?

   My Christmas tree wasn't the only thing that got lit up last weekend!!

   This Christmas you can either join the Mile High club or the less prestigious Rock Bottom club, having sex on a Greyhound bus. If that's not rock bottom, I don't know what is.

   The Lexus commercials with the Christmas bow on the car never show the pissed off wife yelling "You're an idiot Tom! We can't afford this!"

   Christmas - The time of year when you can get the whole dysfunctional family together under one roof!

   I think it's time I go outside and pretend I'm putting up Christmas lights I never took down from last year.

   Decided to put up a Christmas tree this year....wrestled with it a bit..finally got in in place... it smells like Christmas now.. and it looks real cool, hanging from my car's rear view mirror.

   ...... .♫♪♫..... it's beginning to cost a lot like Christmas... ♫♪♫

   ....... HA ... The liquor store clerk just wished me a Merry Christmas as if she weren't going to see me 12 more times before then.

   SCORE!!! .... I just bought my wife a 20 pound bag of Diamonds for Christmas......well they're diamonds in the rough....Well ... maybe EARLY stage diamonds...... but with enough time and pressure......they will be diamonds......Thanks Kingsford !

   This Wiki Leaks is getting out of control -- They just leaked Santa's Christmas list.

   I don't understand why people buy Christmas trees just to throw them away a month later. Heck ... Do they think Christmas trees grow on trees?

   All I want for Christmas is you ...... Just kidding I want Money

   Bought all of my Christmas gifts really early this year, Hope everyone likes Halloween costumes

   If you want to know if Santa has you on his “nice” list,, or his “naughty” list,, Just ask Russia,,, and they'll just hack it for you.

   The Media is now reporting that Christmas is actually a Russian plot hatched by Putin & Trump to lure people into a false sense of Joy. They are urging that we reject any feelings of joy and focus on being angry at the 2016 Election results.

   Yup.... No matter how old you are .... an empty Christmas wrapping paper tube will always become a Star Wars light saber.

   Dear Santa: This year all I want for Christmas is thick hair and a thin body ... And please don't get it backwards like you did last year!!!

   I think this Christmas Eve it would really be nice if we all went over to MySpace to wish Tom a Merry Christmas ....... poor guy.

   NOTICE: To the people who have flashing blue and red Christmas lights in their yard.....can you remove them, please? Every time I pass by, I think it is the cops and I have to remove my foot from the gas, slam on the brakes, put my seatbelt on, throw my p